Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know your mother is a skank.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A man walks out of a bar followed by the people he came with because they just announced "last call". The man is the designated driver for the night.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

It was a stormy night and a stinking boy was running away from the co-op, he was clutching onto his pocket and constantly looked over his shoulder.... panting the boy reaches for a rusty door handle he opens the door quickly and shuts it behind him. "mam i got tea" said the boy "thanks david we will eat tonight for once" said a big chinned pharaoh.

thumb_up thumb_down -124

Knock knock Who's there? The police. You are under arrest for sodomy.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

69

thumb_up thumb_down +27

How many lemons does it take to fix a lightbulb Lemons can't fix lightbulbs as the don't have a mind,heart or any limbs.Think about that crap.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

So I was making this glass of milk right? So I get the milk out. And I get the soup out.. then I go...wait a minute...where'd the glass of soup come into this glass of situations? *smile+awkard pause because nobody will laugh at this=Success of this anti joke...try it*

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Guess what i realized when i became 18? I was 18

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what do you get when you combine fire and water? alcohol

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call an Arab flying a plane over New York? The Pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did the squirrel say to the dog? "I have AIDS."

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Why did Jake not get on the bus? Answer: Because Jake is a dog. Dogs are not allowed on the bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +214

An englishman, irish-man and a scotsman walk into a bar. Englishman orderds a pint of becks, Irishman a guiness and the Scot a whiskey. Everything is absolutely fine and nothing of even remote interest happens.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

knock knock who's there? roses are red, violets are blue, i shit in a bag and now its in flames on your porch

thumb_up thumb_down +56

What did the homeless war veteran get for christmas? Nothing because we don't treat our veterans very well.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What do you call someone who can't move their arms or their legs A quadriplegic

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did child's mom cry when he was born? The child had no head.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the moron jump through the window?

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why wasn't the woman in the kitchen? Because she was in the living room.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A black man walked into a bar. Had a drink, and left.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the pirate fall off his ship? He got pushed off by another pirate

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the feminist cross the road? To suck a penis

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops