A black man named Lawrence was driving a car that wasn't his at 3 a.m. The car belonged to a drunk friend who asked Lawrence to be the designated driver.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down

A vegetarian walked into a butcher Luckily he realized where he was and walked out!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Sorry not thinking here, of course I will arrive sooner, give me 20 minutes or so (got to scout the area, you never know) As for coding, there is no hidden meaning so yeah... That is probably some "Neronist" coding format I never knew of I am using so well. Cant drive like this, so I will use a cab and wait for you at the back seat or something, I will let the Taxi cab honk the numbers of code here so you can come out knowing its safe. I sincerely thought you where at the home, according to our coordinates you are... Dont tell me that bastard built some basement over there, wow! I really miss him now, if nothing else because I would have liked a wine cellar made in less than... Sorry, ill be there asap, 20 minutes or less, nah, believe me, "fancy" is the least of things I want, and I wont be changing my mind anytime soon. See ya. I am sincerely surprised you even remember me, then again I look a lot like your crush. Abel (in case you where wondering, this is not my name either, but you get the picture by now)

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A jew is a person contending to the faith of Judaism, and a pizza is an Italian flat normally round or square baked good consisting of dough, tomato sauce, cheese and various spices, and is sometimes enjoyed with toppings such as meat or vegetables.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

;aosughdfo

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What has the head of a lion, the body of a mule, and the penis of a seal? Nothing... what the hell did you think it was? Are you on drugs or something?

thumb_up thumb_down -2

your mumma so fat she stepped on the weight scales and it says to be continued

thumb_up thumb_down -2

People used to throw rocks at whores. Now they're throwing wood. *Hint. Hint.*

thumb_up thumb_down -2

whats red and bad for your teeth... A brick.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I'm so hungry I could eat a well prepared meal!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the little girl do with her puppy? She killed it.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A man walked into a bar. It was very crowded so he decided to leave.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon? You don't call him anything... You call for help.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's fourteen inches long and purple and can make a woman scream all night? crib death

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple whilst you're in a bar after finding out you have cancer when you visited your families grave? Having a refrigerator thrown at you by an aids infected monkey with no arms or legs.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because someone was chasing it with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's invisible and smells like a carrot? A rabbit's fart.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

But then it wouldn't be an anti joke ya bellendo

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why is Adam saying numbers? He is a maths teacher.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How do pigs get hurt? They are run over by a tractor.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Pick it up and suck its dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Chrissy is funny.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Guess what I saw... Wood, I'm a carpenter.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops