Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? Poke her face

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What kind of cheese doEs god like? Swiss cheese because it's holy!

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what's one thing we're all tired of but they still make? Those crappy love songs.

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What is black, white and red all over? Many things.

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If life gives you lemons ask where they came from.

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what did one cupcake say to the other cupcake? nothing because they were both cupcakes.

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What happend to the boy with no family? he died in a tragic car accident along with his family

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Your mom is so stupid, that she took an IQ test and was proven mentally retarded. Her family is devastated.

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What did the farmer say to the survivor of the plane crash that just crashed on his land? "Need a band-aid?"

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Did you know Helen Keller had a swing set? Because she didn't.

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A Mexican, a black guy, and a Muslim are riding in the back of a car. Who is driving? Their friend Keith.

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GUESS WHAT ?????????? THATS WHAT CAOMHIN

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TWATFROST HOLOCOSTME sOME MONEY TO GET A BOOB JOB HAHAHAHA BALOWJOB

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What is 0% sugar, 100% pure, 150% hyperbole, 90% bug-free, has 4815162342 lines of code, autonomous, is awesome, bigger than a breadbox, bread is pain, is bringin' home the bacon, classy, doesn't use the U-word, deja vu, deja vu (oh wait a moment), does barrel rolls doesn't avoid double negatives, doesn't bother with clones, Engage!, Enhanced!, Euclidean!, Excitement!, Exploding creepers, Finally complete!, finger-licking, full of stars, funky LOL, GOTY, Give Us Gordon, Indev, Ingots, and has an End? Minecraft!

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knock, knock... no one replies and it becomes obvious that no one is in the house.

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People made fun of a plant for walking into a bar. Little did they know it hadn't been watered for days.

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Peaches eat leaches, that is why sneaches live on beaches.

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What's the difference between a black man and a Jew? Their ancestral heritage

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What did the woman say just before she was stabbed eleven times in the chest thus killing her? Nothing, she had been gagged.

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give me thumbs up or i'll rape u to death

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What do you call a black man with a wooden leg? A veteran.

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whats the difference between a turkey and a baby i dont know how to cook a turkey

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Why did the yeti make an omlette? To practise making omlettes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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