Why did the chicken cross the road? How the hell should I know I'm not a mind reader.

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What would people call Michael Jackson if he became president? Probably President Jackson

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What did the guy say when he found out his girlfriend had a dick I don't think we should date anymore, you have a dick.

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An apple a day keeps a check next to the "I ate an apple today" box on my "what I did today" daily checklist.

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knock knock who's there? be. be who? *hits you with a batterang. BECAUSE ITS BATMAN

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What do you call a partially deaf obese man? Anything you want, it's unlikely that he'll hear you. If he does manage to catch what you said, your chances of outrunning him are very good considering that he's likely to tire before you, unless you're overweight yourself of course. If this is the case then perhaps you should hit the gym, obesity is a growing problem in the Western world and greatly increases your chance of heart disease and/or diabetes.

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What do the words lightbulb and lightweight have in common? The word light is in both words. Other than that absolutely nothing.

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Why did the boy cry? Because his mother died of a heart attack.

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What's black and red all over? Half a cat

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Why did the man tell the other man to shut up? The other man said something that made the man who said shut up mad so he told the man to shut up.

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Woman's rights

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A black man walks into a bar and a white man says "we don't allow coloured men in here". the black man sighs and walks out, wondering what he ever did wrong, and makes his way to the liqour store, to buy some beer to drown his sorrows over his mothers death. On the way, a racist white man shoots and kills him. Then, at his funeral, someone makes the joke "Wow, how ironic. The black guy was the victim.."

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A man walks into a bar and says Ouch.

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What happens when you divide by zero? According to the limits in Calculus, 1/x as x approaches 0 becomes closer to infinity, so we can safely conclude that if we could divide by zero, it would be a form of infinity. Positive infinity for 1/0, negative infinity for -1/0 and unsigned infinity for 0/0, as zero has no sign.

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whats worse than finding out you have Alzheimer's? Finding out you have Alzheimer's

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know. He values his privacy and will not tell me his motives.

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What's fourteen inches long and purple and can make a woman scream all night? crib death

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Safe sex MR

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The parking lot was across the street from KFC.

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butt sex

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Why did Sara fall off the swing? Because she got shot in the heart with a bolt action sniper rifle and died.

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Whats your name? Bill. I have a son named Kevin.

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Why did the blond girl get fired from the M&M Factory. Becouse she removed all the W's

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They see me rollin' Up my sleeve for some volunteer work at the local shelter

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops