Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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my throat Really started to hurt, like reallly badly, and i remember On sponge bob, he laughed so much his laugh box broke. well, my throat really hurts. please help! can i get my laugh box back? will i never be able to laugh again and have to get it replaced like squidward did?!!? please answer, i have a friend who would probably give me part of her laugh box, but she Laughs like a hyena

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself at night.

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What's bigger than China and Smaller than my penis? Russia and a smaller penis.

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How do you break your fan in the summer You dont its hot and you need it

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Why was the leaf green? Chlorophyll

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What is a 6.9? A period getting in the way of a good time!

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"what's fat,stupid,and has a shell" "i don't know what" "you, i lied about the shell"

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Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona Charming Mrs Fiona 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What are kids supposed to do in American classrooms if a nuke hits nearby? Hide under the desk. (This is a fact) Moral: Like that is gonna help... seriously that is ridiculous!

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- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - Son I can't hear you, I have banana in my ear.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because I told him to. I'm very influential.

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Why did Helen Kellers dog run away? It didn't. She did not own a dog.

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I will grant you one wish, but it sure as hell isn't coming true!

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An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walked into a bar. The Englishman ordered a lager, the Irishman ordered a Guiness, and the Scotsman ordered tap water.

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What did the gay man die of? Obesity.

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A woman walks into the kitchen to see her husband cooking dinner because gender stereotypes have been dead for years.

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Why wasn't the black woman allowed on the bus? It was rush hour and the bus was full.

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A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, the bear asks the rabbit does shit stick to your fur? The rabbit says no, so the bear wipes his ass on the rabbit

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Jeez Bill, how drunk was I last night? You took my pet parakeet, threw it at my daughter's piggy bank and yelled "ANGRY BIRDS!!!!"

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Why did the man jump out of the plane? Because the plane was losing fuel fast so he grabbed a parachute and went for it and realized that was the only one left so everyone died a horrible death.

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What is the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One's fun to smash and the other is a watermelon.

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ADAM FANTUZZI SUCKS KIRANS BALL SACK

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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