Q: What did the dog say to the owner when he took him to the vet? A: Nothing. It's a dog. It can't talk.

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What did the polar bear say to the penguin? What are you doing here?

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Seargent: Quick seal off all the exits so he cant get away. Private: OK 2 minutes later Private: He escaped sir Seargent: What, how Private: through one of the entrances

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What did the father give to his son with terminal cancer for his 5th birthday? Nothing the kids going to die anyway

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A Russian drinking something other than vodka.

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful busness man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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What do you call a clock that neither ticks nor tocks? A broken clock

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple getting blow jobed by a giant squirrel

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Why did the sloth cross the road? To slaughter your entire family.

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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When life gives you lemons. Don't take things from strangers

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Why does Sally sell sea shells down by the sea shore? To support her growing crack addiction that is ruining Sally's and Sally's families lives

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a black person was walking into his home. good thing balls like apple juice and Miley Cyrus was keeping guard with her sword.

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I once saw my grandparents making love.. that's why I dont eat raisens

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When A Shouty Man Goes Into His House. His Sister Nearly Kills Him So When A Shouty Man Goes Into A Library. The Books Try To Kill Him.

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Chuck Norris walks in to a bar then many people greet him because of his celebrity status.

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What do you call a dead black man? A corpse.

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What is pink and smells like tuna? Salmon

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What's brown and sticky? Molasses.

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What is 5 brittish guys who can't sing and horrible music make .... one direction

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What do black people and tables have in common? Nothing.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I touch myself at night.

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Well no, thats not true, sorry, I mean I GET THAT ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

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Why didn't Johnny go to the party? He was aborted as a fetus

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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