What mouse walks on 2 legs, Micky mouse. What duck walks on 2 legs, All ducks you dip shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Whats brown and sticky? A stick

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Caca.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Roses are red, Violets are blue when I saw you what the heel are you

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q: why did everyone on the ship drown? A: Because the ship sunk

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the Jew run across the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

OBAMA and the DEMOCRATS

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A kangaroo walks into a bar and says "Lipstick is the blood of all wounds." The bartender does not know how the kangaroo said this or why.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Knock Knock. Who's there? What's up. What's up who? The sky.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How did superman always save the day? Because he was a fictional tv actor so he could do whatever he wanted to.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Two men walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some H2O!" The second man says "I'll have some H2O too!" Both men get water, because the bartender knows better than to give someone dihydrogen dioxide.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the man wear his jacket because he was cold

thumb_up thumb_down +18

The only thing you need to call a woman that starts with "B" is "Beautiful" Biitches love to be called beautiful

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What's black and white and red all over? A piece of discarded newspaper previously covering the half dismembered torso of a dead prostitute.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

This one time at band camp music was played.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What do you call ugly? Dionne Dodds

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Have you seen the size of their fingers!?!?!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How to apply total justice 1: Kill all humans! Moral: "Why do I have to die while he gets to live? Nobody gets to live? Sounds fair and just to me!"

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What did Jennifer get in her college exam? She got a C minus

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? This joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's worse than people reposting the same joke all the time? The holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

There are four worms walking in a straight line. The first worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me!" The second worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The third worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The fourth worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" How can this be? ...the fourth worm lied!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Swag.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops