roses are red, violets are blue, I talk to myself, and so do it I.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why didnt the chicken cross the road? Because he got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not good at poems, nice tits.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman? A. Cause you have to hollow out it's head! A blonde walked into a doctor's office with two burnt ears. The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?" The blonde replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, so instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear. Still not satisfied, the doctor asked, "Well, what happened to the other ear?" "The sucker called again!"

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Q:theres a man on a tight rope 3000 feet above ground and theres a man getting head from a 90 year old women with no teath. what did they both say? A: dont look down.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

who let the dogs out my mom because they're fat and need exercise

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Roses are red, Violets are red, you are a liar, oh wait you're not!! MY BACKYARD'S ON FIRE

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the man say ow? He got his dick caught in his zipper.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Hi... your father has testicular cancer and he will die in 2 months....

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Knock knock! Who's there? Boo! Boo who? Aww, don't cry!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

A black man has 100 problems. on his AP calculus test.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English.It is confused by it's surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the penguin say to the polar bear? Nothing because they are on opposite sides of the earth

thumb_up thumb_down +25

how do you upset a barber? Murder his family

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A man walked into a bar and said, oppa gangnam style That man is now dead

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What d u tell Simba when he's moving to slow? Muvasa

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Question: What do you call a Black person who cooks food at a fried chicken restaurant? Answer: A chef

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why do leprechauns laugh when they run through the grass? Because it tickles their nuts.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What did the blind man say to his teacher? Nothing, blind people can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man dreamt that he was eating a marshmallow. He ate his dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why doesn't Michael J. Fox drive a stick shift? He was raised in an urban area and was only taught to maneuver with vehicles that shifted automatically.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Roses are red Violets are blue I have Alzheimers Wait what was I saying

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops