My dad weights 350 lbs. He decided to switch to diet soda.

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Why does a clown wear makeup? So you can't identify him to police after he shoves your kids in his tiny car and drives away.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding an apple in your worm.

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whats the difference between a mexican and an elevator? An elevator can raise a child.

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whats the difference between a fat person and a skinny person ? there weight.

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Roses are red violets are blue I have five fingers the middle one is for you.

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Johnny is walking around school when he sees a kid crying. He asked the kid what he was crying about and the kid said " I was trying to talk to a girl"

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a lollipop? 782

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What do you call an apple in a washing machine? My lunch!

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Have you heard the one about the fat woman and the dead baby? The woman was actually pregnant, not fat, and just had a miscarriage.

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why did the man jump off the building? to commit suicide.

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The joke below me is retarded

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Why did the mexican cross the street? Because the next lawn to mow was in a different neighborhood

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A man walks into a Scottish bar and sits down. Another man sitting at the end of the bar recognizes him and says "Hello, I've heard of you, I must ask, how did you get your name?" He replies, "You see that wall out there, protecting the town? I built it with me own 2 hands, so they call me Jon the Wallbuilder.

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Nobody cares maddie!

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YOU

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Dan walked into a jelly fish

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A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie appears and says that he will grant him 3 wishes. The man says "I wish for a duck". POOF! He got a duck. Then he says "I wish for a penguin". POOF! A penguin magically appears. He thought long and hard for his 3rd wish. Then he said "I wish I had a turtle" POOF! Suddenly out of nowhere the genie disappears. The man looked inside the magic lamp and saw a small turtle. The end.

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ME: HEY ZACH DO YOU KNOW WHO LIKES YOU................... ZACH: NO!... WHO.... ME: DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW??? ZACH:....YEAH!!!!!!!!!! ME: OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY NOBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

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A boy eats 3 pounds of candy, 2 whole pizzas, and drinks 10 beers. Why did he puke? Someone came out of nowhere, and kicked him in the nuts

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I'm Halarious.

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How did the black man start his car? He turned on the emission and lightly leaned his foot on either the accelerator or reverse pedal, depending on the position of the car.

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Your mom is intimately familiar with many mens' penis due to her many years as a successful urologist.

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If you live in the 'living' room, what do you do in the others? You die.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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