Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Obama is a good president, I beg to differ.

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "Only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

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What do Selena and Justin, Kate and William, and Barack and Michelle all have in common? Nothing.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing?? ShE had no arms. Knock knock... Whose there? Not Susie

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What's worse than stubbing your toe? playing spin the bottle with your mom

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okay so three men are in a plane ( this is the type of plane you can open the windows) so the stewardess goes up to the first man he asks for a gun she agrees but hes gotta throw it out the window he confused but he does it anyways the stewardess goes to the second man he asks for a beer she agrees but he has to throw it out the window hes confused but he does it anyways the stewardess walks up the the third man he asks for a pack of C4 she agrees but hes gotta throw it out the window without hesitation he gets it and throws it out the window. so they land and the first man sees a women crieing i was walking down the street and got hit in the head by a gun and arested for being armed the second man sees a hobo cheering loudly hes says he was sleeping in the ally and it started raining budlight the third man shes a women hysterically laughing she says i was going to work and spilled my coffe then my house blew up!

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How do you get a hot blonde to do your laundry? At knife point.

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Why was 1 afraid of 2? Because 234!

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Major League Soccer

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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How do you make a plumber sad? Kill his family.

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What do you call an African baby?............................................ A Nigglet.

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What do you call a black guy flying a helicopter? A pilot.

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poop

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How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

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Yo Mama is so old that she is probably unable to become pregnant.

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Hey, Have you Seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Neither has he!

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub. They order drinks, then leave without speaking to each other. It was pure coincidence they walked into the bar at the same time. They had no connections to each other, them being from three different countries.

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"CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!" -Spongebob

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Yo mamas so stupid that she received slightly below average in her latest maths test

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A man walks into a bar, unfortunately his brain condition killed him after the swelling in his brain reached a point where his family had to unplug him from a machine putting him in a medically induced coma.

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How do you get a baby out of a blender? Pour it.

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Two Jews walk into a bar. They promptly order their drinks and then leave.

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What does shit and fire have in common? Hitler gave both to jews.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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