Why did the woman scream when she saw her brother? Cause he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +139

There are two men waiting in line at the supermarket. One of the men reaches forwards and taps the other one on the shoulder. He says, "You dropped your wallet.". He picks up his wallet and both of the men continue on with their day.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

ok so ive been pondering for a while now for a joke to submit and here is what ive got, tell me what you think: quif stain

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why was the alpaca sad He just got raped

thumb_up thumb_down +48

how do you double your cash? You rip it in half.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

The next person to submit a 'roses are red' 'joke', is cursed to always prematurely ejaculate from here until eternity

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whats worse then getting a parking ticket? the plague

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Stephen Hawkings viewed porn as a child

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Whats faster that a Mexican with your TV? A speeding bullet.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

how do you keep an idiot in suspense. I dont' know he still hasn't told me

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get hit by a car and die.

thumb_up thumb_down

the chicken crossed the road. the chicken was then caught by animal control because it was in the middle of a city.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

guy 1- damn its hot in here guy 2- then turn on the damn fireplace

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How many black ppm does it take to screw in a light bulb All of them, plus 1 white guy.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender then looks down and realizes that the pirate has a steering wheel on his penis. "Sir, are you aware that you have a steering wheel on your penis?" the bartender asks. "Arrrrrrr! It's driving me crazy! I just woke up one day and it was there!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon, it looks like it could be very harmful to your health and slightly uncomfortable. Not to mention your penis is out in the open." "You are right, what was I thinking?" The pirate agreed. He proceeded to get his friend to drive him to a hospital, for drinking and driving is not safe, and steering wheels on penises are not healthy.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Roses are red Violets are blue Carnations are cheap and they will not get you a blow job.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A father had three children Rose Daisy and Cinderblock. Rose comes up to her father and asks"daddy why am i named Rose?' the father answered"well when you were a baby a rose petal fell on your head"Rose Reply's "oh thats nice" and walk's away. the Daisy comes up and ask's "Daddy! why am i named Daisy!" the Dad answered "well. when you were a baby a rose petal fell on your head" Daisy Replied" oh ok i guess" and walked away. Then Cinderblock came up and asked "duuuhhhd" and the father simply replied" Shut up Cinderblock".

thumb_up thumb_down +1

why did the frog cross the road it was stapled to a chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +6

3

thumb_up thumb_down -16

you that read wrong no you typed it wring my mind just rearranged the words to make grammatical sense

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the personal trainer get fired from the gym? He lacked good customer service skills.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do you call a person driving a plane? Not a pilot, they fly planes.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why couldn't the Asian couple have a white baby? Because two Wongs were mixed up in the paperwork so as a result the other Wong family ended up getting the child.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops