- Anti Joke

Why can't girls count to seventy? Trick question. Clinical research has proven that a fair amount of girls are, in fact, capable of counting from one to seventy using ordinal numbers in the Arabic numeral system.

A dog walks into a bar, the bartender quickly says to its owner that he must leave as dogs are not allowed in. Upon realizing that it is a seeing eye dog, the bartender retracts his statement and serves the owner a drink.

How do you make a mime cry? Hit him with an axe

A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 30 years later he would gamble away his family's life savings and then go onto live a long and unfulfilled life.

Ouch.

Why did the dog get arrested? He didn't the people responsible for causing the dog fight got arrested for animal abuse.

What do you call a man with a shovel through his head? Unless he was carrying ID when he died; John Doe.

Did you know Helen Keller had a swingset in her backyard Neither did she.

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, I was asking you.

Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? A: A whine cellar.

What do u do to blow off steam? I simply go to the top of the empire states building, poor gasoline in a bag, put a baby in it, light it on fire, and through it off the side. problem?

How do u save someone from dieing of cancer? U shoot them in the head

Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It got shot. Why did the 2nd koala fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first one. Why did the 3rd koala fall out of the tree? It thought it was a race to the bottom? Why did the 4th koala fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. Why did the 5th koala fall out of the tree? No one knows, not even the guy who made this joke.

A black man walks into a... nevermind, this joke is dumb.

What's more irritating than a half eaten apple? Some prick taking up half the page with shitty copy and past routine.

Several ways to annoy people: Grab the end of their shirt to blow your nose Try to shove a bowling ball down there throat Try to sell them a broom and vacuum Try to eat their babies paint their toe Nibble their ankles Ask if you can babysit their crystal and if they say no start whining Carry around your chicken and ask if they want a nugget

What gets wetter as it dries? Sarah Jessica Parker

Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Well many scientists have theorized that a giant meteor hit the earth causing the extinction of most living things. Also if your christian : Dinosaurs never existed, evolution is the devils work, science is not the answer to the world's problems. Darwin was a foolish man, and thats that.

Q.If I have four apples and billy has 4 oranges, how many pancakes will fit on the roof. A. 3 because aliens like purple hats.

Why do jews have big noses? Because the air is free!

What did a man say to the woman with two black eyes? Learn to duck.

Did you hear that Hellen Keller went driving? Now she's also paralyzed.

Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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