What would be the worst thing to do to Helen Keller? Cut her hands off, as it would destroy her last chance at communication and re-arranging her house so she often fell nub first over chairs.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Fred used to only visit his parents in the hospitals on weekends, because that was his only free time. Now his parents are dead and he has more free time.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why is poop brown? Because you're a shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

roses are red carnations are white dont go to bed or ill f**k your friend dwite

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why was billy sad? He was being brutally hacked to peices behind his garage

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what's black, white and doesn't float? the titanic

thumb_up thumb_down -9

how do you make a plumber cry?.... kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Yo mama is so fat that it is obvious obesity runs in the family.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Who visits Satan on Christmas? A dyslexic box.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A guy dared his friend to jump off a bridge for 10 bucks. His friend, fearing for his life did not jump.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the chicken cross the road? To see if he could beat the oncoming car.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

why was the gay person gay? he liked penis in his bum.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

A man was driving down the road and was swerving, a cop stops him and asks him to walk in a straight line, believing him to be drunk. The man replies "I can't, I've been blind since I was a child."

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the farmer say to little susie? I have a gun. Get in the car and dont scream or i will kill you

thumb_up thumb_down -3

why was joe in hospital with facial disorder? his mum hit him with a fridge

thumb_up thumb_down -4

why was the kid crying? because he had to go to school GDS*

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in your BANANA.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A black man, a jew, a hispanic, and an asian are the only survivors of a plane crash, and end up on a deserted island, what do they do? Die.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

What is better than winning a medal at the special olympics? Not being retarded

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down +17

(Insert short question here) (Insert long semi-irrelevant answer here)

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the volcano say to the other volcano? Nothing, Volcanoes are inanimate objects that do not possess the ability to speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops