what is long,hard and holds semen,a submarine , i spelled seamen wrong

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What do you get when you cross drugs with a bathtub? Whitney Houston's worst nightmare

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's green and if you eat it you die? A Biljarts table.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

dead battery come on down

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's worse than finding a real joke on anti-joke? Getting voted down to page 4067

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's worse than a worm in your apple? Having a self-conscious baluga hold a gun on you while you hand him all the money you have on you, then realizing balugas are creatures indigenous to aquatic regions, and then realizing you are deep under water and are probably about to die from suffocation

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks." The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks." They were moose tracks.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

your mom is so ugly when she entered an ugly contest they said... ok

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of the dark. Because he's a grown man, and most grown men aren't afraid of the dark.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did Hellen Keller name her dog? Her parents named it Spot; Hellen Keller isn't able to speak due to her handicapped muteness.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was 95 lb jack able to chug so fast? Because he is a diabetic

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Roses are red Violets are red Tulips are red Bushes are red Trees are red OH SH*T MY GARDEN IS ON FIRE!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Wanna hear a "Friday" parody? No, that would be copyright infringement.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

How types of people are there? One, we are the only homo sapiens.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

How do you get a tissue to dance. You don't.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Knock Knock Come in! :)

thumb_up thumb_down +15

I once had my heart broken by my first true love. I then died, she was convicted of murder and my family grieved over my death.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How did the chicken cross the road?he just got up and walked to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

you are looking on the internet someone falls over and i were shoes and chips prevent world war 2

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some men like Cheese, I have aids.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

if u ever get arrested by cop, just tell the cop this: "No no officer, you got it all wrong. It was only a game. It's called RAPE."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

people magazine

thumb_up thumb_down -16

My girlfriend gave me her first ever blowjob last night. I came in her mouth and she washed it down with a can of Carling. Obviously she had to get that horrible taste out of her mouth, so she gave me another blowjob.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpian. Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpian? Getting tortured to death. Whats worse than being tortured to death? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, and getting tortured to death. Whats worse than that? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, getting tortured to death, and finding a worm in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops