How much carlins does it take to screw in a light bulb? One

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How do you stop someone from dying of cancer? Shoot them in the head.

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If pro is the opposite of con . Is congress the opposite of progress?

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What is Beethoven's favorite fruit? While Beethoven enjoyed many different varieties of fruit, he found strawberries the most appealing.

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An insane individual walks into a bank and asks for $500. The teller refuses since he doesn't have an account, so the individual pulls out a gun and asks the teller again. The teller presses the silent panic button, causing the cops to show up and arrest the gunman, but not before he manages to shoot the teller and the small child standing next two counters over.

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What did the umpire yell to the flatulent player at bat? FOUL BOWEL!

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Hi

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Whats worse than losing your entire family in a car accident? Luikimia

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What do you call a dog with two tails? ...Depends on what its name is.

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Why do you believe in evolution? Because it increases the power of my pokemon.

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Bumsniffer

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Knock knock, who's there? Doctor. Doctor who?

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Why are anti jokes so repetitive? Because you're reading too many, get off your computer.

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Adam: knock knock!! Eve: who's there? Adam: don't be silly, just open the f*cking door!!

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What if someone sold your socks to a Jew? I would blackflip through the air and shit on his chest.

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The snails are salting one by one Hurrah! Hurrah! They fizzle up until they're gone Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die! The snails are salting two by two Hurrah! Hurrah! They melt until there's only goo Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die! The snails are salting three by three Hurrah! Hurrah! Some shells and slime is all I see Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die! The snails are salting four by four Hurrah! Hurrah! We shaker-salt them even more Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die!

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What's green and has wheels? a green car.

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If you have two berries in one hand, and three in the other, what do you get when you put them together? Five.

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Someone just commented on my joke! ... oh wait it was myself

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This is an anti- joke

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What did the farmer say to the other farmer? We are both farmers.

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Nothing!!

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Roses are shit Violets are my dick Guess what I do for a living? Sex with refrigerator monkeys!

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Haikus are awesome, but sometimes they dont make sense. Refrigerator.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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