Did you know that I can't talk any louder than this... Exept when I can

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? cheese.

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Why did the boy cry when he got a new puppy? Because he had anal seepage coming out his ass

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What do you do to someone you hate very much? You kill them.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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how are a ferrari and a pile of dead babies similar? neither are good to have in your garage when the police come.

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How do you get rid of a pile of dead babies? Call 911 so someone will pick them up and take them to the morgue.

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Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? because 7 was black

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Drop a brick on her face.

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There is big difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse And helping your uncle jack off a horse

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What has two legs, but can't walk? Half a dog.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I'm wearing pants and I'm hungry

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Why couldn't the teen go to the prom? He was busy working to help his mom recover from breast cancer.

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What do you get when a bulldog and shitzu reproduce? A litter of extremely cute puppies.

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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tennis grunts . . . no different from sex noises

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THUMBS THIS DOWN AND I WILL KILL YOU! TOTAL PEOPLE DIED FROM THUMBING THIS DOWN: 147289347809237489

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SAY

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Why did the boy cross the road Because he needed to get to the bus stop

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What did the helicopter say? Aluminum-minum-minum-minum-minum-mum-mum-mum-mum-um-um-um-um

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? Lawyers exist, are alive and despite all claims to the contrary, can withstand sunlight, garlic and the sign of the cross. They also have reflections and whilst they may eat black pudding from time to time they don't depend on blood as a source of nutrition.

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im gey

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How can you avoid being hit by a car? Don't get in the way.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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