What did Chuck Norris say when he saw a cop -Hi

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Whats worse than dying? Nothing.....?

thumb_up thumb_down -7

what can you give to a millionaire to make him happy? sex

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you make lady gaga angry? punch her in the face and throw her off a cliff

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Knoc nock whos dere ronnie turiaf...... Ronnie turiaf who Dennis rodman

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Whats big, hard, and in my pants? A tumor.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

-if you're American in the kitchen, British in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? -in the bathroom.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How many lemons does it take to fix a lightbulb Lemons can't fix lightbulbs as the don't have a mind,heart or any limbs.Think about that crap.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The duck says "Got any grapes?"

thumb_up thumb_down -21

what's brown and sticky? A stick

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did the woman say just before she was stabbed eleven times in the chest thus killing her? Nothing, she had been gagged.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Have you ever seen Ethiopian food? No, neither have Ethiopians.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have cancer, Herp Derp

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the dad do immediately do after his child died? Cleaned off the knife.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

If a tree falls on a woman and there's no one around to hear her scream why did a tree fall in the kitchen?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Do you know the difference between a Mexican and a bench? One is a human, and one is an inanimate object.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Turn your Caps Lock off, people think you're yelling at them, Stephen Hawking.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

antonio is ssooo shexy and smokes

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did the person say to the person about to run into the tree? Watch out for that tree!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

why are black peroples noses so big ? because thats where God held them when he spray painted them

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Q: What do you call a fly with no wings. A: Dying.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops