And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.


Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

Today I decided to burn alot of calories. So I found a fat kid and lit him on fire.

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

Your mother is so stupid that she was tested and proved to be mentally retarded.

How do you get a clown off of a swing? Hit him with an axe

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Domestic violence is a crime. She should leave her abusive partner and seek help.

Today I was reading anti jokes. At first I didn't get it, but then I figured it out and...ah crap, why am I writing this, it's just going to get thumbed down...

A white guy, a black guy, and a spanish guy jump off a building. They all die on impact and their families mourn their loss for years to come.

If life throws you melons, you might be dyslexic.

What's worse than a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Well, it's really nice.

Try this on someone... go up and say "Ive got a great knock knock joke for you but you have to start" there response "Ok, knock knock" you say "Who's there?" They are usually dumbfounded and a hilarious awkward silence ensues

Three blind mice walk into a pub. They are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humor from it would be exploitative.

What do u call an anorexic with a yeast infection? -a quarter pounder with cheese. (not really anti-joke, im a girl and thought this was funny lol)

A seal walks into a club.

What's funnier than a pile of dead babies? Just about anything because child mortality is not funny.

Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side

Do you know what's the difference between a bicycle and a black man? A bicycle is an object and a black man is a human being.

A dog walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender goes to get him a drink, but then realizes how ridiculous this is and wakes up from his dream. He rolls over to tell his wife about it, but she ignores him. He begins to cry silently, realizing his marriage is in shambles.

A Christian asks God why there is so much pain and suffering in the world. God does not answer.

A Christian and an Atheist are in a bar, the christian says "if you don't believe in god you will go to hell." the atheist replies "if there was a benevolent supreme being, logic dictates that there would be proof of his existence other than a 2,000 year old book." they agree to set aside their petty differences and get on with their lives.

Your mom is so fat that when she dives into a pool she displaces a proportionately larger volume of water than people with less body mass.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!


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