How did the fat guy survive the air crash? He didn't, he died like everyone else.

What do you get when you cross sodium citrate, citric acid, benzyl alcohol, monoethanolamine, sodium benzoate, gylcol disterate, FD&C Yellow #5, ammonium lauryl sulfate, methylisothiazolinone, fragrances/perfumes, FD&C Blue #1, sodium chloride, zinc pyrithione, methylchloroisothiazolinone, ammonium xylenesulfonate, ammonium laureth sulfate, cetyl alcohol, cocamide, guar hydropropyltrimonium chloride, 1-Decene, homopolymer, hydrogenated, trimethylolpropane tricaprylate and water? Head & Shoulders Dandruff Shampoo for Fine-Oily Hair

How do you stop a bus? Throw small children in front of it.

A man walks into a bar and says "I just got back from the battered woman's shelter, and boy are my arms tired" Everyone laughed. The man sat at the end of the bar drinking alone. He was proud of the fine craftsmanship of the shelves he put up in the shelter's pantry, regardless of what others may think.

What's the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? When I see a Porsche on the street, I think to myself, "that's a nice car," but when I see a pile of dead babies on the street I scream, "OH DEAR GOD WHY?!?! WHY?!?! WHERE IS THE MONSTER THAT KILLED THESE POOR BABIES?!?!" I then quickly alert the authorities of the hideous crime before vomiting profusely and crying until my tear ducts run dry. I sustain irreversible psychological damage and the image of hundreds of cruelly murdered infants prevents me from sleeping at night.

Why did the black man buy a watermelon? So he can eat it.

"Hey dude, wanna come with me??" "Sure! Where????" "On your face"

Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidize her drug habit.'

What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.

Chuck Norris walked into a bar. He was greeted with much respect considering he was a talented actor.

A black guy, a white guy, and a mexican guy are stranded in the middle of a desert. After many days of not finding food, water, or shelter they contemplate cannibalism to survive, but can't decide who to eat. The mexican dies first for an unrelated reason

What did one orphan say to the other? My parents are dead.

Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest? Because it wouldn't be financially viable to try and sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.

I told my friend the best anti joke I've ever heard in my life the other day. He didn't laugh. He is autistic and doesn't understand humor.


A Muslim walked into a bomb shop. Turns out he was in the wrong store so he left and went on with his day.

what do you call a grammatically incorrect horse? An horse

Why didn't the octopus have any friends? Because they are antisocial creatures by nature.


Your mom is so ugly that she often finds it difficult attracting members of the opposite sex.

Have you noticed when you see geese flying and they're in a V pattern, often one side will be longer than the other? Do you know why that is? There are more geese on that side.

Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I'm a Schizophrenic And so am I

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!


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