Scenario: 2 astronauts kayaking in the sahara dessert Question: How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse Answer: Purple, because ice cream has no bones

why did my iphone screen get scratched :(? because i dropped it ):

You know why Michael J. Fox makes really good milkshakes? ... because he uses the best ingredients.

Did you hear about the black guy who got into college? Actually, there are nearly 10,00 African Americans who get accepted into college every year. This specific black male is notable because of his stellar grades and his activity in his community.

Q: How do you get a black guy out of a tree? A: You cut the rope.

Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She had just prepared her breakfast and was late for her full-time job as a firefighter.

How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen? Five.

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot. Seeing a black pilot is not alarming. If their middle-eastern, however, you have more of a problem.

What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies. One is used in the sport of bowling, and the other is just a tragic, very saddening sight to see.

Your mom is so fat that when she steps on the scale, it displays a very large number.

What's blue and fluffy? Blue fluff.

What happens when you cross a Kangaroo with an Elephant? A genetically unstable animal that dies shortly after birth.

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

A daring man proclaimed "Well, here goes nothing!" And nothing happened.

Why did the waiter put rubber bands in the soup? Because he wasn't a very good waiter.

There are two muffins sitting in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "It sure is hot in here". The other muffin says, "Yeah like 350, 375".

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Tulips are white, and Pansies are pink.

Why did the chicken cross the road? The farmer left the fence open, so it wandered around and happened to cross a road.

What do you call someone who kills a black person? A murderer.

I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression the other day.... It made me sad.

How do you starve a Mexican? Deny him access to foodstuffs.

What's red and green and goes 100 mph? A frog in a blender

Three head lice are drinking beer on a scalp, then they are killed by a high strength medical shampoo.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!


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