How did the girl with no arms fall out the window? I pushed her.

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How many dead babes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? its not possible because there all dead

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A chickens walks into a bar... And greets her fellow friends

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How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb? None. They use candles

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Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

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Who is the fiercist Raptor of them all? Matt Daly

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Why was the toddler laying in the middle of the road? Because she was the victim of a hit and run...

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When I walk in the rain, I get wet

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What is brown and has 15 legs? (They answer "What?") Reply: I don't know I was hoping you would.

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pinky ponky went a bit wonky oh no plz dont go or i will rape you untill you know

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Two weeks ago, my brother walked into a flea market and asked if they sold fleas. He's so silly.

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A man finds a lamp in the desert. He picks it up and dusts it off. The lamp becomes cleaner.

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A blind man walks into the girls bathroom.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a terrorist.

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What's worse than a bee sting? Getting shot in the head

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What is white black and Chinese A panda

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what did the asain have for dinner? A: rice

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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What is blue and invisible? Invisible blue paint

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Why was the little boy crying? Because a stranger shoved explosives up his butthole.

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Women's rights

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What did the dying boy get for Christmas? Presents

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What do you call a homosexual in the army? A brave and honorable person who should be applauded for their service to this great nation

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roses are red violets are blue oranges are......

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops