A brunette is walking up the side of a river. She sees a blonde on the other side. "How did you get to the other side?" asked the brunette. "I used the bridge just a few more kilometers up" the blonde replies.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I know what you do with your right hand. You part-take in everyday activities such as eating, typing, grooming and maneuvering.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: Why is the Universe so big? A: Because it is the same size as my penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q. If Kim Kardashian and Kanye West were both drowning, what kind would you make? A. PBJ

thumb_up thumb_down +6

When someone throws a rock at you What do you say? A:Oww

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Show me the money! Said the man last wednesday.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why are you angry dude? I can't see my forehead

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the chicken cross the road? The screams were loud. It was just one big fire behind him. He and his fellow chickens had been trapped. They thought they were being freed... They thought wrong. The guards herded them in and then the heat started. The fires began to rage. His friends, his allies, his brothers, were falling dead, burning, beside him. He had to escape. He did not think, only acted. Lashing out at the guard, he knocked him down and ran. He ran and ran until he could run no more, and he still kept running. He could still hear his brothers' screams. He could still see their faces burning before his eyes. He reached the road, and finally stopped. He looked around. The screams had stopped. The heat had left his body. But then another sound came. Yelling. The guards. They were following him. He tried to keep running. But he just couldn't. He was finished. He fell on the road, sliding himself along as quickly as he could. He hadn't run this far to be caught by the guards. He stopped. He could go no further. He looked up and saw the blue sky, cloudless and free. The last thing he heard was a roaring engine. The guards never found his body.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Digress

thumb_up thumb_down +6

whats the best thing ever to happen to chuk norris ? he was born !!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you make a homeless person cry? cut an onion in front of him.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a black priest? Someone devoted to the word of god

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Did you hear about the plane that crashed and killed 1000 people? My sister has cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

my great great grandpa ryan the rattlesnake had a cat named dog-

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Gangnam style

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How did the blonde get Lost in her house? Netflix.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the train say at the party Thomas isn't really dumb ass

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was the women's basketball player laughed at. The slippery floor caused her to stumble and fall.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

whats stupid and gay all of my friends

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A dyslexic paraplegic walks into a bra

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Bob goes swimming in the ocean. Due to the fact that his father sexually abused him as a child, and never taught him how to swim, he drowns.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops