What did the duck say to the Pope? Quack.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did a second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first monkey. Why did a third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What did Jesus say last before being nailed to the cross? I don't know, It never happened. ...Why did he say that? He didn't, it's not real.

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four nazis are walking towards this jew. as soon as the first nazi came in arms reach of the jew he and his friends started to maliciously hug the jew.......................................and then 20 years later they killed his family.

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What's the different between a trampoline and a baby? You take off your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.

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Suppose an American, an Indian, a dinosaur, and a leprechaun are on a plane together. Which one would be the first to chug a 7 pound bottle of coke? The situation is too unlikely, with the odds of it occurring being less than 1%, therefore the question cannot be answered accurately.

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I don't want to share my name yet if that is okay, I mean I have not seen you, but you have seen me just saying. Tell me how old you are first, I am 26, or 27, being more or less an orphan since birth details like that kinda lose themselves. And no, its not Eliza, I will wait for you here if you do not mind, there are still people that have thought I am Nero all this while, that`s what worries me, I doubt I can convince them I am chatting with myself this time around.

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What's spotted and has dildos strapped to their neck? Jews

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Hey i just met you, and this is crazy, here's some candy, gent in the van.

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the meaning of life is too burn calories so I burnt a fat kid?

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What do you call a barrel full of monkeys? A game, you idiot.

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what did the boy with no hands get for christmas Gloves!!! just kidding i dont know he hasnt opened the box yet

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Whats easier to fit in a trunk, babies or concrete bricks? Babies because you can hit them with a pitchfork.

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A.how does a penguin change a light bulb? A.the same way all other penguins change a lightbulb

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Why did the monkey fall out the tree, He was dead

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What's worse than being killed? Reading these jokes.

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Whats red and hurts when you bite into it? A brick.

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Help I'm being raped!

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What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car? Robin, get in the car.

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Why doesnt your dad like barrack Obama? because your dad is straight, hes not into men

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A man walks into a bakery and buys a doughnut. He then starts to drive home when he realised that he'd forgoten to eat the doughtnut and has to returne to do so.

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There was a baby, and it wouldnt stop crying. So the mom shook it and shook it. Then it stopped crying.

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A gay guy and a blind man walk into a bar. It's a gay bar. The blind man is also gay.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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