Dad: "Happy birthday, son! Let's go get a beer." Timmy: "But dad, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are, we hope that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.” Timmy's mom had just died of cancer a few days ago. A friend walks in the door, not knowing Timmy's mom died just a few short days before his birthday. He screams, "Happy birthday!" TImmy: "Damn. I'm not going through this again."

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A guy trips a blind man.

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What did the lamp say to the pencil? Nothing. Lamps and pencils are inanimate objects and are also non sentient so therefore are incapable of talking or listening or having any emotions.

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Who is Jonathan Ezell He is Jonathan Ezell

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once upon a time, a bird fell in love with a fish.. they both died.

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why did the chicken cross the road? Does it matter why, it just did.

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what did the chinese guy say to the black guy? hello

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Q: What did the peanut say to the shell? A: Its dark in here.

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Why did the man have a curiously-shaped scar on his cheek? He had been mauled by an owl as a child.

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Where is the last place you would find a Mexican? In a good hiding spot that you didn't think of while trying to find him.

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A man has only two fingers on one hand, and everybody calls him two-fingered Mike. Why? Because his fingers were lost in a tragic accident at birth, and his parents, who were considering calling him Mike, decided to lengthen the name because it seemed appropriate.

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Why did the man paint his dog blue? He has some strange mental condition and is incapable of controlling his own actions.

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What do you call a guy who can't get a girlfriend? Me.

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Why did the gay man's ass hurt? He has rectal cancer.

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kieran scott has a huge back

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Q. If the early bird gets the worm, what does the early worm get? A. Eaten...

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Do you like fishsticks No

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Nobody enjoys your company. Nobody likes your work. Nobody loves you. There is no person who's name is legitimately nobody.

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Some peoples attempts at being funny on this website are the stupidest things i have ever read.

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A kid goes to Band Camp and comes back better at the Trumpet.

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If life gives you lemons your hallucinating

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I just farted, and now I have to Chit!

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Q:why did the boy fall off the swing A:he had no arms Q:why couldn't he get up A:he had no legs Q:why did he die A:he fell in a puddle

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Neither does he.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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