A man walks into a bar. He proceeds to get intoxicated and then commits a felony.

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NASCAR

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Dad: sussy, do you know how you were made? Sussy: No, how? Dad: With this DICK!!

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what did the horse say to the bartender? why the short face?

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I've had amnesia as long as I can remember

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Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: The wheel chair.

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why bouriquet can not read is book ? cause he's retarted

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Q: What is worse than The Apocalypse? A: Darkseid, Thanathos, Red Hulk, Onslaught, come on The Apocalypse cant even beat the X-men! Moral: "I AM THE APOCALYPSE, YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE!"

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A man is about to rape a girl. Before penetration he carefully and correctly applies a condom as he practices safe sex and is not yet ready to father a child.

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a bumble bee walked into a bar, looking tired and worn out. 'long day, eh?' said the barman. 'yes' replied the bee. 'i was flying along to collect some honey when i noticed a large obstical obstructing me. i stuck my pointy needle in it, and according to legend, i will die in short hours to come' suddenly michael jacksons thriller flicked on in the jukebox, the bumble bee boogied all night long until he slowly passes away in the early hours of the morning. long live boogie bee.

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So a Dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of skotch, the bartender realizes he must be dreaming. At that very moment he realises he is in a lucid dream. Since this is the case he decides to murder his wife who is in bed right next to him as an expiriment. Since its a lucid dream it doesnt matter. Next he goes down to the fridge and pulls out some old pizza. He sits down for about half an hour eating it along with a box of tuis that also magically appeared in his fridge. Then he goes outside steals the neighbours car takes it for a ride to his Sister-In-Laws house who he has always wanted to root. He goes over breaks the window with his hand. The lucid dream feels so real to him because he pains from the glass in his hand and then he goes up stairs finds his sister-in-law sleeping so he hops into bed with her. At the same moment the police arrive because they followed him from his home were they recieved complants they heard him kill his wife. Everything starts to turn into a nightmare, so scared he trys to make himself wake up. However he cannot. This is not a lucid dream. This is reality. Pizza was in his fridge because he had it for dinner the night before, Beer did not magically appear. his wife had bought it when she went gorccery shopping. He killed his wife, then stole his neighbours car and attempted to rape his Sister-in-law. So now he is going to jail. And no lawyer wants to take up the case so this man is doomed. No hope at all of ever being a free man again

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What's black,white, and red all over? Nothing, because if it is completely covered in red then it can only be red.

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After finishing reading this sentence, read it again and you might or might not realise that there is a secret subliminal message in this sentence making you do something later tonight. Can you spot it?

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Knock Knock [Opens Door]

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Why did the man say ow? He got his dick caught in his zipper.

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Where did Sheyanne go during the bombing...... Everywhere

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Q: What's up? A: Definitely not a plane, due to an unfortunate hijacking and terror bombing shortly after departure. There were no survivors.

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What is the biggest lie in the entire universe? I agree to the terms of service.

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SHINEE IS BACK PART HARD

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because the grass is always greener on the other side.

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A socialist, a Muslim, and an illegal immigrant walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What can I get for you Mr.President

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Why was the guy sad? His son killed himself after being constantly bullied for 6 years.

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What is red and has seven dents? Snow White's Cherry.

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The blondes on the opposite part of the lake is a pretty good joke

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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