A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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(read this aloud): A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. Him and the giraffe order multiple shots and get hammered. The giraffe on the other hand can't hold his liquor so well, and ends up passing out on the floor of the bar. The man decides to leave him there and take off. On his way out, the bartender yells, "Hey, you can't just leave that lyin' there!" and the man says, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

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What do you call it when a cave man pisses himself running from a t-rex? Historically incorrect.

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You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose... But that's disgusting.

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Wanna hear something half funny 34.5

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Q.What did the anti-joke reader say to the doctor? A-My finger is stuck on the dislike button.

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Roses are red Violets are blue In Soviet Russia Poem make YOU!

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What did the white father tell his mexicon son and his wife as he left for work bye

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What did the bully call the box? a square, needless to say the box was offended

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What's small and harmless, but deadly when thrown at high speeds? A baby.

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What do you call three mexicans in a bowl of soup? Whatever their respective names might happen to be.

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What do Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have in common? They have the same middle name.

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Justin Bieber is having sex with a girl. He then awakes from this horrible nightmare.

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what happens when I bought a car. A man stole it from me and killed my family.

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this sentence will end in the way you expected.

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A man walks into town and takes a shit!

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why did the walrus sex with the jew because 911 created a sexual falafel

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what do you call three kkk guys in your house ghost busters

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PLEASE DONT READ THIS OR YOU'LL BE DIED IF YOU DONT THUMBS UP THIS LIKE POST THIS ON 20 MESSAGES OR YOU'RE BEST MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR LIFE WITHIN THE NEXT 7 DAYS

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What happens when you mix a black guy and a chinese guy. A disfigured man

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Whats the next Line? YAH YAH YAH YAH YAH....

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All this fuss about drink driving is a load of crap! I frequently drink and drive, and I've never had an accident, apart from one small collision in which my wife was paralysed from the neck down.

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Im good at other things... ...like giving handshakes

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A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic with a family of four and is ruining his life. -Tag

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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