A duck walks into a bar and the bartender asks "What'll you have?" and the duck says "Quack". The bartender is then promptly fired and committed to the nearest mental institution for thinking that ducks can talk and order beer.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? NOT SALLY

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What rhymes with orange? Somalia.

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A man walks into a bar and brings a Snickers. He gets a beer, eats the candy, and leaves leaving the wrapper. The bartender is angry with the littering but cleans it up and serves another customer.

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why did the chicken cross the road? Because the farmer left the gate open and chickens typically wonder with no obvious pattern to their movements.

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What do you call a black astronaut? It depends on what his name is.

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how do you get a blonde out of a tree? you politely ask her, then if all else fails call the local fire department

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A man walks into his doctor's office He says: ''Doctor, I have said goodbeye to my family and friends and I have decided to take the pills you offered me and die peacefully in my sleep, I won't suffer any longer from my disease''. The doctor answers: ''You are in luck, we still have a few of them left''

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charlie sheen losing

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That moment when you try and finger your girlfriend and there no hole......and you start questioning your sexuality

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor"

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What did the blonde do when her car broke down? Made a Facebook status about then called animal control.

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What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews are people, and are a nation and ethnoreligious group originating in the Israelites or Hebrews of the Ancient Near East. A pizza on the other hand is an Italian dish made up of cheese, bread sauces and multiple toppings.

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What did the table say to the human? Nothing, tables don't talk.

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once upon a time there was a boy

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A young gay man comes out of the closet to his conservative, Christian parents. Everything went better than expected.

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whats red and looks like a bucket? a red bucket whats blue and looks like a bucket? a red bucket in disguise

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What's the difference in a red sports car and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a red sports car in my garage.

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"Do you live in the United States?", said the man. "no." said the other man, "cool beans", said the woman.

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What's worrying about a middle-eastern man on a plane? The fact you are worrying about it.

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Two Jews walk into a bar. They have a lengthy discussion regarding the hardships their people have suffered throughout history. Eventually, the subject changes to which coffee franchise has the best blend. A clear, concise decision is never reached. They then are asked to leave the bar, as they have not ordered any drinks and the bar is for paying customers only.

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Robocop and T-800 argue over who can run the fastest, Robocop claims he is the fastest, while T-800 says that he is the fastest. To settle things once and for all, they start a race. At first T-800 seems to be leading Then the T-800 is leading by a great distance. moments later the T-800 has a huge lead. But then suddenly, without any warning, the race shifts! T-800 is now leading only by a great distance! Yet in a amazing, and completely unexpected plot-twist. T-800 wins! Moral: :O

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Why did the monKey fall out of the tree? He died Why did the other monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first one

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The man asks the blind man "where ya going"b The Blind man replies "i dont know".

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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