What's the difference between a jazz musician and a cheese pizza? A cheese pizza is a food and a jazz musician is a person.

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Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 is right behind 7 and he's naked.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A blind fish, who had a horrible accident with a fishing hook

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I killed someone today. :D

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Why did the monkey fall out the tree, He was dead

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Why did the man commit suicide? Because on top of his depression, his wife had been cheating on him and his kids all died in a horrible hand-gliding mishap.

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What is invisible and smells like carrots? The smell of Carrots. Pretty sure you can't see smells.

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Where's Waldo? It is impractical to search for him because he's just going to get lost on another page once you find him. You assume he was murdered and get on with your life.

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What did the soldier say when he got shot in the face? Nothing, he died.

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Jesus was a good guy

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A serial killer kills a family of 5 He is never found and eventually kills himself from depression

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"Hey, why won't you let me through?" "These tickets are fake." "No they aren't. LOOK OVER THERE!" The guard turns around, and then turns back. Minorly inconvenienced, he arrests the man immediately, upon which he is sent to jail and anally raped multiple times.

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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- Are you thinking what I'm thinking B1? - No.

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A homosexual walks into a church

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if life gives you lemons, you have some lemons

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Where do pimps go when they retire? Idaho.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The pizza delivery guy. Oh hi.

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Why did the teenager cross the road? To get an abortion.

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rosses are red voilets are pinkey your mams pussy is really stinky

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if a tree falls in the forest does it make a sound? if a tree falls in the forest and it falls on a mime, does anyone care?

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Knock knock! *no answer* KNOCK KNOCK! *still no answer* the person who was knocking finds a note sticked on the door and it says: i will be away for 2 weeks

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The knocking didn’t cease. It grew harder as the voice grew louder. “Let me in! Let me in! LET ME IN!” The knocking grew so fierce it could have shattered the door. Tears leaked from her eyes. “What do I do,” she thought “should I open the door?” The knocking was more than she could bear. “I know you’re in there, Kat.” it said. Her stomach twisted, her breath caught in her throat, and tears now streamed down her face. “Go away!” she shouted finally. “Let me in!” it screamed in response. “Leave me alone!” she cried. The voice and the knocking echoed in her head, making her more nauseous than before. Reaching for the lock hesitantly, she sucked up her tears and held her breath, unlocking the door and throwing it open. Nothing was there. The tree stood in the yard unmoving, no wind. Nothing. She shut the door, shaking in fear. With the click of the lock, the room grew cold. Goose-bumps covered her skin. “Thank you for letting me in.” a voice whispered behind her.

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What do you call a really old Cowboy? A senior citizen with a brain tumor.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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