How do you catch wet wood on fire? Ask a business owner in Ferguson, MO, to keep it in their store.

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A large man goes into a restaurant and places his order The waiter asks if he would like the weight watchers menu He says no because he doesnt care about his weight

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why did suzy drop her ice cream? she got hit by a bus. knock knock! who's there? not suzy.

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What's red and green and goes 100 mph? A fast car that's painted red and green...

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Not again!"

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Why didn't Kurt Cobain drive to work on Monday? He killed himself.

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Roses are red, viotels are blue. God made me pretty, what happened to you?

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Q: What do you call a man from south korea? A: I don't know, but I'm not letting him drive my car.

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? Chuck Noris

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Why did the chicken cross the street? I would rather live in a world a chicken's motives would not be questioned.

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What's worse than dropping an ice cream cone? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Dropping two ice cream cones.

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Yeah sure comment below, and soylent green is fucking people! Moral: "You are judging the spitting image of yourself, except that you are doomed to remain ignorant and judgmental"

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*DRRRRIN* Finally someone uses the doorbell.

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When life throws you lemons, duck.

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Your momma is so fat that when she fell over, she couldn't get back up without help, and she probably got several bruises.

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How do you protect yourself from fire? Kill an orphan and nail its bones to your skin.

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Q: Whats worse than dropping your ice cream? A: Dropping two ice creams. Q: Whats worse than dropping two ice creams? A: The Holocaust. Q: Whats worse than the Holocaust? A: Dropping three ice creams.

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A bear and a rabbit both take a dump in the woods below an old oak tree. They look at each other, smile and nod their heads in acknowledgment of one another. The bear is first to let go of his rather large load and a loud THUMP is heard throughout the woods. Shortly after another and then another. The rabbit looks at the bear for a moment then turns closes his eyes and begins to strain. Finally the sound of what can only be described as a machine gun rattles through the wood. Looking impressed the bear looks over at the rabbit as it pops off its last few pellets. When the rabbit is finished the bear asks "Do you have a problem with the shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit thinks for a moment then looks at the bear and says "Umm... No, not really." So the bear uses the rabbit to wipe his arse.

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Penis.

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What is pink, female and has two dicks? A mother with two sons, both called Richard.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.

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*Knock knock! "Who's there?" "Jehovah's witness" .....

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there was a blind kid and a man wearing a WWJD & Livstrong bracelet touched his eyes and he could see. He wasn't used to the light and walked into traffic and died instantly.

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They see me rollin' Up my sleeve for some volunteer work at the local shelter

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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