What color was the duck? It had one foot.

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Here's a little diddy I wrote for One Direction: Now One Direction, don't forget that we all know About the antics that you pull at your own live shows Like you take your own lyrics and give 'em a swerve Now they either make no sense or make you sound like pervs And Liam, why you swiping cameras and phones? What you need a girl's number cause you're crusin alone? And another thing, it's a frickin spoon for God's sake What did this thing impale your puppy with a giant frickin stake? And so One Direction, we now all think That in about a year, y'all are gonna go N*SYNC and disappear cause N*SYNC isn't around any...aw you know!

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Q. how do you get 50 babies into a bowl? A. blender Q. how do you get them out of the bowl? A. Doritos

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Who took the last can of soda? I dunno.

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Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin turns to the second muffin and says "OH MY GOD I CAN TALK!" the second muffin is so shaken in its beliefe system by a talking muffin that it commits suicide.

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Why did the cancer patient shave his head? He wanted to pretend he still had hair.

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Why was the black man sent to prison? He was wrongfully accused of a crime which is a fine example of how flawed today's justice system is.

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who's sexually attracted to bones? James Cornish

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A daring man proclaimed "Well, here goes nothing!" as his FaceBook status, and all his friends were annoyed.

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WELCOME TO THE SECRET BEYOND THE SIXTH SENSE! 1, Sound 2. sight 3.touch 4.Smell 5.Taste. 6.Balance? :(

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What did the bar say to the man? Nothing, bars can't talk

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So a moose walks into a grocery store and asks the clerk, who is a penguin, "Where's the bread?" And the penguin says "On isle three!" But, when the moose gets to isle three... The bread isn't there!

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What's black and red and can go through time. I don't know but you have cancer and are going to die very soon.

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A lion walks into a barber shop and asks for a haircut and the barber says no then the lion proceeds to kill everyone in the shop

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Roses are red Violets are blu Doogie is gay I have no friends

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What did Anne Frank say to the Nazis who found her? Please be gentle.

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What's worse than the holocaust? The sun exploding.

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It's fun for you and me, that's why they call it OCD It's easy as 1..2.... Hey look a butterfly!

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Your momas so fat her doctor put her on a diet plan.

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How do you get a Blonde to switch seats with you? Ask her politely.

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25

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What did the boy do when he struck out in his little league game? He was very upset and contemplated not playing the game anymore.

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why is john so fat years of over eating

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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