A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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what did the man with no arms and no legs get for christmas? a new hat

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is black

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*spongebob voice* 25

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Why did the Asian Cross the road? Because the crossing signal went green!

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Why does it matter, they can't chuck wood in the first place.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting ran over by a truck.

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You know what is funny about r.ape? Nothing. It's horror

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Why couldn't the Asian drive? He was blind

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How to do you kill a blonde? Various methods, most effective of which is firing squad

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why did the lesbians shop at modell's? because they thought the store had reasonable prices and considerable discounts

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why wouldnt sally stop spinning? she was trapped in a washing machine

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What do you call a young child being beating to death with a spiked club? Arousing.

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Twenty-Four

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I can't see my forehead

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What's the difference between Chuck Norris and broccoli? A lot.

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your mom is so old. she can legally get a senior discount

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What do you call a ostrich with no legs? Damn, that's funny.

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knock, knock whos there the police your son was the victim of a cruel homocide

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Why was Newton surprised when the apple fell on his head? Because he was sitting under a pear tree.

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A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is in shambles.

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How do you fit 100 jews in a car? It wouldn't work.. Nevermind.

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Ask if I'm a aardvark. Are you a aardvark? Yes.

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Do you know what's not right? Left.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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