Fine, just remember that I want to help you, but you cannot ask me for help, and then throw a shitstorm of accusations at me, I have never worked for the feds and never will, I know nothing about their code of operations nor... Anything really. Let me give you an advice, I know that at least two people you trusted deeply betrayed you, but if you are not going to trust anyone again, then leave point zero while you still can do so alive. And no babe, this is not a threat, its advice.

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A zebra dies and goes to animal heaven. All the animals around him are trotting, flying, jumping, each according to its own species, in the kind of bliss that only eternity can bring. But the zebra is not impressed and mopes through heaven's green fields. A giraffe notices his languid stupor and asks, "Why so glum, pal?" The zebra mournfully replies, "All my life I've wondered if I was black with white stripes or white with black stripes." The giraffe, hoping to get the zebra to some answers as quickly as possible, suggests, "Why not go as God?" The zebra, somewhat taken aback by the notion that God might give him an audience, replies, "Oh, I can do that?" The giraffe says, "Sure, I'll show you the way!" The giraffe leads the zebra to a great tabernacle of gold and points the way up a long stairway of diamond. The zebra follows the stairs up to two great ivory doors. But no matter what he tried, the zebra couldn't get the door open. The only animals that could open the door for him would be the primates because of their opposable digits, but the zebra wasn't much of a social animal, so he didn't have any friends. He spent eternity with no answer to his question.

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What do you call a white woman that had sex with a black guy? A rape victim.

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what's the fastest way to have someone murder you tell your wife you are cheating on her

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What do you call a highschooler who smokes weed, shops at the mall, and has date-raped one girl so far? Popular.

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What do you call a man man with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean? Bob(he is bobbing in the water)

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what's brown and sticky? A stick

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*knock knock* Who's there? *Gorilla* Gorilla who? *Gorillas don't hoot, owls hoot*

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what did Harry Potter get for christmas? ... nothing his parents are dead !

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What do you call a man with a black book? I don't know.

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Why did the jew go into the gas chamber? Because he thought he was going to get a shower.

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Did you hear about the cannibal who ate the Olympic record sprinter? He's in prison for first-degree murder & crimes against humanity.

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Why did the boy have sex with his grandpa? His grandpa is a nice guy and it was his birthday.

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Why'd the man go to jail? Because he had a piece of cheese.

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A black man walks in to a bar and says ouch! A jewish man walks in to a bar and later sews that same bar for he and the black mans injurys.

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Dr Dr I think I have diarrhea You have irritable bowel syndrome, I recommend IBS support

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A man accidentally chops his thumb off while preparing his dinner for the night. He immediately calls an ambulance and has his thumb preserved which is later reattached back onto his hand. He then continues his dream career as a solo pianist.

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Q: Ask me if I read the terms of use before I submitted this joke. A: I didnt

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How do you know if a girl is special? If she hates justin bieber, Twilight, and is open to threeways.

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Whu did the boy drop his cheeseburger? Because the school janitor whacked him with a mallet.

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What do you call a black kid with a backpack? I don't know.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia ...where am I

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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What is better than AIDS? Cancer.Cancer and more cancer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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