What did the president say after his wife and kids left Him? Im Obama self now

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A white man and a black man were walking down the street. The black borrowed the white man's phone to make a quick call when an incoming call came in. The black man, while trying to hand the phone back, says, "Here, it's your Dad." The white man replies, "No, that's my phone." Amazed at how uneducated the black man was.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

If I threw a regular snowball at a random snowman, would my action directly result in the increase of the snowman's size or would it rather have caused to snowball to become substantially larger in succession? Only a few people could answer that question. Not all of us are actually philosophy aficionados after all.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: How did the black man die? A: He got hit by a car, and we all know that this is painful.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Roses are red, violets are blue, i suck at poetry, show me your tits!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and 10 dead babies? I don't keep a Lamborghini I'm my garage

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the little boy have a gun pointed at his head? Because he hated his life and wanted to kill himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why was the old man on the floor? He fell

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Whats the difference between a Corvette and a dead bag of babies. -there's not a Corvette in my garage

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: how do you stop a blonde woman from drowning? A: unplug the stopper in the bathtub Q: how do you stop a baby from drowning? A: take your foot off its head

thumb_up thumb_down +23

knock knock Come in!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Pi = Pie, something everybody likes.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the plan crash? Because the pilot was a potato

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's black and hanging on a tree in my backyard? Blackberries.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: How many pandas does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: I don't know.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a date-rapist

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Me: Why are red onions actually purple..? Dad: I don't know Sister: *sarcastic* Well, Why is it rainy in London? Me: ....Because that's the weather pattern.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A man walks into a bar, drinks a few beers, then calls a taxi to take him home because he knew the risks of drunk driving.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why was Steve hungry? Because the last time he ate was yesterday.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do fat kids and whales have in common? Ruth burden

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Yo mama's so fat that when she stepped on a scale, she saw her ex-boyfrien's phone number!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops