I swear to god it wasn't me! Dont swear to god its a sin !

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the chicken cross the street? I would rather live in a world a chicken's motives would not be questioned.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

"life is like a box of chocolates", except you cant eat life and hocolate doesnt rain on you.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Thumbs this up

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What ticks and makes a very loud noise? the bed

thumb_up thumb_down -3

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, the highest he placed was 4th.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Knock knock Who's there Banana Bananas can't talk. Crap he's on to me

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are red Violets are blue I have Alzheimer's I have Alzheimer's

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you call a cow after an earthquake? Dead. The barn collapsed on top of it.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Sticks and stones may break my bones... and my pistol will kill you.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

when the teacher asked jimmy if he was a girl jimmy felt very scared because his teacher had no mental problems.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How do you stop a bus? You press the brake pedal, causing the brake pads to squeeze the tires. Which will slow the momentum of the bus to the point of stopping.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Your momma is so white, when she goes out in the sun it is necessary for her to use a lotion with an SPF greater than 30 because she burns easily and is also afraid of skin cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

titanic vs 9/11 who would win? Well the titanic backwards is a ship which saves lives and 9/11 backwards is a building on fire spitting out airplanes

thumb_up thumb_down -5

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

how many jews can you fit in a volkenswagen? 2 jews in the front 2 jews in the back 15 jews in the ashtray

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the Romans conquer everyone? They were power-hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How many dead babies can you fit in a mini? It is variable according to the size of each baby.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Chuck Norris can count from 1 to 100... twice!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why didn't Little Timmy's parrot talk? It's neck had snapped.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why'd the girl fall of her scooter? She fell into a hole and died. She was never found again. All that was left was her scooter.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

The early bird gets the worm, but the angry bird gets the pig.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call a dog eating a dead dog? A hungry dog

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops