if a fat man in a red suit puts you in a bag at night. its not santa your getting raped

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when life gives you skittles you take a handful and throw it at someone face and yell taste the rainbow

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What does the scouter say about his power level? It's over 9'000!!!!!!!!

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Q: What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas? A: A funeral.

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Why couldn't the black man swim He never learned how.

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Penis

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How do you make bread out of corpses? You don't. You grow it with bread seeds.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It had the utmost desire to.

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Whats the difference between Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber? Lady Gaga has a penis.

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you know what is so funny?! jokes..................................

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What does a bartender say to almost all of his customers? May I please see your I.D.

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Whats the difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies? One is a specific type of sports car, and the other is a sad destruction of many young lives

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What did the fat man do when someone told him he was fat? He kept eating, for he was deaf.

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Q: Why can't dinosaurs talk? A: Because they are all dead.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A treadmill... did I mention he was kinda fat?

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what do you get when you cross a man and a horse? Collision

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Why did they bury the pope on the side of the hill? Because he is dead

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There was this cat, and he was walking down this long road, knowing a dog lived on 45 lake avenue. So the cat was very careful while walking by that house so the dog and his diqqas wouldnt chase the cat, named pat. So like a rogue in the arathi basen lodge, he made his way over the stone wall and ran as quickly as he could through the muddy path of dirt. This cat was also swagged out of control, so he had mad bitches. That is where Pat was heading....... to his mad bitches. He had never met these bitches, but bought them offline on a p0rn website that said he would become the man if he purchased the mad hot bitches. When he found the bitches, he shit himself. The bitches were female dogz. if you read this whole paragraph, a fraction of your soul has been ripped out of you. UMAD? ˜´??

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Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

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"I can sell this watch for $500 dollars on the black market!" Well, you could sell your liver for $500 dollars on the black market too.

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Barack Obama walks into a bar. He's black.

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what do jews like the most? money, because they're all greedy fat nosed cunts

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Last night I had a Chinese By that I mean I abducted some Chinese people and ate them

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TOBUSCUS

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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