A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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I just found out i have cancer.

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split your ass cheek

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Did you hear about the guy who got all of his left side cut off?! He died of blood loss and permanent damage to his vital organs.

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A man is walking in the desert, alone and lost, when suddenly he finds a lamp. The man picks up the lamp and to his surprise, a genie bursts out of the lamp ! The genie says to the man: "Thank you, kind man! You have freed me from this prison I have been in for a million years. I am in your dept and will grant you three wishes." The man replies: "Wow, you've been in there for a million years and all you have to give me are three wishes?" The genie was really sad to hear of the man's lack of appreciation and flew away, leaving the man. The man eventually died of starvation and dehydration.

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Q.What did the anti-joke reader say to the doctor? A-My finger is stuck on the dislike button.

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A dog just died in my neighborhood last week. It made me sad so I vandelized a church and got put into jail. That made me even MORE sad so I vandelized the jail. Morel of the story: This wasn't grammaticly a story. A story is not 3 sentences. --

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Why do black people have dark skin? Lack of melanin in their skin. You learn something new every day.

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Q: Why did the cow cross the road? A: Because it was stapled to the chicken.

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A man walks into bar and orders a drink. The bartender says " Hey I saw a bunch of men coming in and out of your house while you were on vacation last week." The man replied " I know. That's because my wife is a prostitute."

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Why Did The Black Guy Eat Watermelon? Because he lives in south africa where they are commonly grown and needed a healthy snack.

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How do you describe a funny man on stilts? Stand up comedy

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How do you drown a fish? You can't , it is physically Impossible to drown a fish. because they have gills, so they are able to breathe underwater.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was uneducated and was not aware of the dangers of streets in heavily populated cities.

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Knock knock Who's there? Honey, just let me in. This bloody game can't go on for an hour. I'm cold out here.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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A mama cow was sitting in the barn with her 3 babies. The first baby cow goes "Mom, why did you name me Daisy?" "Because a Daisy landed on your head when you were born" The second calf goes "Mom, why did you name me Rose?" "Because a Rose petal landed on your head when you where born." The third calf says "Aasdfghoiuytfghjkuiy" The mom replies "Shut up brick"

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A blonde, redhead, and a brunette are chatting outside a casino. The brunette directs a joke towards the blonde. "What's the difference between cotton candy and pork chops?" The blonde has heard the joke prior to this encounter and correctly completes it with sign language because she is deaf.

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Roses are black, violets are black, we are all black Shit i'm colour blind

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Knock knock? Who's there? To. To who? To WHOM.

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How is a raven like a writing desk? It isn't.

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How do you finish your homework? Get your dog to eat it.

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Why did the n i g g e r steal money? because he was black! and wanted a KFC thanksgiving! :)

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Your mom is so fat, that when she went to the doctor, the doctor told her she had Type II Diabetes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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