I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

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Q: Do you know what really makes me smile? A: Facial Muscles.

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whats more annoying than being raped by a giant scorpian? finding out that half the anti-jokes are terrible

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Why wasn't the black guy allowed into the bar? Because the bar was closed.

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Why did the black guy hit his head while walking through a doorway? Because he was tall.

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- My grand mother died. - I'm sorry.... Did She died of old age ? - No, she got eaten by a giant worm.

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Yo mommas so fat... that when it was rainning, she put on her rain coat and went outside, everyone was saying that the sun came up

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What is matt dalys favorite thing in the world? penis

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Went to a zoo there was a asian shouting GOOZILLA at the reptile house I said no 2 frickly pickles please He said helwo I'm wo pong th pow wice to weet you I said does he come with subtitles Old priest said no the said hello little boy want a mint I said oh thanks I'm not a boy I'm 19 Old priest said no no you can't have one of my special mints I said wait those mints have R's on them are the rainbow mints Old priest no there raspberry I said ok don't be a stranger Old priest said oh I will I said wait your THE PRIEST He said oh I'm just a priest looking for little boys I said no your dead now jumped 30 feet in the air sat on a bird dove into him bird went threw him we made a team promised to clean the world of evil only to find out that we killed the mother of all priest Bird said tweak tweak I said yeah let's hunt them all down Shall the be a part 2 you decide

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why did the iraqi woman bury her wedding ring in the ground? because it's the only way she could properly pay respect to the death of her husband who recently died in a group suicide bombing.

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What do the words lightbulb and lightweight have in common? The word light is in both words. Other than that absolutely nothing.

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A man walks into a bar...... He then wakes up in a hospital. along with a large bruise on his forehead.

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How do you stop a bus? You press the brake pedal, causing the brake pads to squeeze the tires. Which will slow the momentum of the bus to the point of stopping.

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A baby crawls into an abortion clinic.

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There are two muffins in an oven. The first muffin says, "Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?". The second one says, "Hey, look! A talkin' muffin!".

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because while he was swinging, his friends dared him to jump off and called him a chicken when he didn't. Still hesitant, he tried to jump off, but his arm caught on the swing chain and he fell face first into the tanbark. He needs reconstructive surgery to repair his face.

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Are you from Tenessee? I heard you were from there

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your moms face is turning purple. I'm coming for you.

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Why was the boy sitting alone? Because all his friends died.

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black guy graduating high school

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what do you call a blonde who can't drive? a poor driver

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what is the difference between a jew and a pizza? Pizza's don't scream when there in then oven.

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How many chairs does it take to screw a lightbulb? One, if you have enough lube.

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Why was the Mexican in pain? Someone hit him with a frying pan 5 times across the face.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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