How do you starve a celebrity? Tell them they're fat.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A blind man walks into a pole.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen Bug? Four in the seats, twenty six in the ash tray, and thirty in the gas chamber.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Knock knock Who's there? I Love You! -Harrison

thumb_up thumb_down +18

If Jimmy has 60 candy bars and eats 50 of them, what does he have? Diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Your Mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the man wear a blue shirt? He didn't. He wore a green one.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

...this makes a cop throw a car and then call "inception!"

thumb_up thumb_down +18

4

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What do you call a black man speeding away in a Ferrari. A wealthy man who is late for work.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What did the kid with cancer gt for Christmas? Nothing. He didn't make it that long

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding A Duck in your apple! What is worse than finding a duck in your apple? Finding a racist in your apple! Whats worse than finding a racist in your apple? DEATH

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why doesn't Lebron James have any rings? Cuz he didn't win a championship.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Whats horny and big A dick minus the big part!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

how many babies does it take to paint a house? that is child labor, which is illegal in many countries.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why didn't Steve finish his homework? He didn't want to.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What clicks when its out of lead ? A gun Why was the little black boy crying ? He ran out of that grape drank How do you make a dead baby float ? You take your foot of its head How do you know when your life is over ? When you start watching Twilight What is blue and sticky ? Blue Stick What do you get when you mix a dog and a cat ? Shit

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Getting raped by a giant scorpion

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call you're mum? Depends who's reading it or just mum

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The bartender is institutionalized for paranoid schizophrenia.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the little boy get for Christmas? Socks.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the man try to lick his elbow? Because he read a chain email saying no one could lick their elbow and he wanted to see if it was true. You will probably try to do it now too.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you say "Hello" in India? 1. Get a plane ticket and fly to India 2. Say Hello in India

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops