my name is Jacob sartorious

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what do you do to gay guy who wants to have anal sex with you? beat him with a steel baseball bat in his face.

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Why did the skeleton cross the road? To get to the body shop.

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Me: Ask me if im a penguin friend: are you a penguin? me: no.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Roses are green I'm bipolar

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What's red and screams? A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

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What did the blind football player say to his coach? I cant see

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Two Poles are walking down the street. One says "Look out, I think that's dog shit." The other man thanks him and avoids the excrement.

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

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what can you give to a millionaire to make him happy? sex

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want to hear a bird joke? no well, this is hawkward

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What happens when you shoot a bear and you kill it? It dies.

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whats the difference between a black guy, spook and a porch monkey? they are all stupid, stinky, n-i-g-g-e-r-s!

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What did the Catholic Priest say to Chris Hanson? Nothing. He attempted to flea, and was quickly taken down by law enforcement. He was then detained and processed and charged with Intent to commit statutory rape with a minor under the age of 14. He's still awaiting trial.

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A man walks into work and massacres 20 due to a mental illness.

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A brown haired woman walks into a clinic and says, "Doctor it hurts whenever I touch myself." The doctor says, "Strange, I have never heard of such a disease. Please show me." The woman touches her leg and screams,"Ow!" Then she touches her arm and screams again. The doctor asks, "Are you a natural brunette?" The woman replies, "No, I am a blonde." The doctor says, "Oh, that explains it. You have a broken finger. God, you are so blonde." The woman gets her finger treated and then lives in agony for the rest of her life due to her untreated broken leg and arm.

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why is 6 afraid of 7 ? because 7 is black.

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? Make some fucking lemonade.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Your mum. Your mum who? Dinner is ready, come down stairs.

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Adam Turkolowoskiaklfadjufsdjksbgsgsafafdsg

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What can an elevator do that a mexican can't? Raise a family.

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- My grand mother died. - I'm sorry.... Did She died of old age ? - No, she got eaten by a giant worm.

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how do you get a mexican to fall off of a cliff? you push them off

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I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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