Life is an elephant, get married.

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How do you kill two birds with one stone. You don't its not humanly possible because birds cannot be killed with rocks.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because people have encroached on it's natural habitat.

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What's cold and icy? Ice

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Why was the black man escorted from the bar? Because the bartender was racist.

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knock knock who's there? Andrew Oh hey Andrew come on in!

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How do u make Michael Jackson cry Dead people can't cry you dumb bitch

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What do you call a tree with no branches? A stick.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Well, there is no way to accurately estimate this number being that 1.woodchucks in fact do not chuck wood and 2. there is no time frame given for said action to take place

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Hey guys! Today is September 10th you know what tomorrow means? Party at my house! ...What? It's my birthday.

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What did the victim say to the rapist? If you're gonna rape me, at least let me go get you a condom

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A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Yes" the man replies, because he is aware that the bartender wasn't actually asking if the day way long, but rather if the day was hard.

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An Irishman walks out of a bar

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Jackson gets a new phone he drops it what does he have. (a beating )

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A king's son's birthday came one day and the king asked what he wanted. "You can have anything in the world son." He would say. The prince answered,"Oh i'll have some purple ping pong balls." So for his birthday he got a rollar costar, a new car, a water park, a castle, and of corse some purple ping pong balls. The same answer went out of his mouth for three years. One day the prince was driving in his car, and he got into a terrible car accadent. And while he was in the ER and saying his last words, his father asked,"Son, before you die, i must know, why did you want purple ping pong balls for your all of those birthdays?" And the prince said,"Well I wanted them because-" and then he died.

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Tic tac toe. You were adopted.

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A hispanic lesbian couple accidentally walk into a country western themed bar. And leave immediately as a bar is no place for their 2 year old son.

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what do you call 10 mexicans standing in a line? It's probably a lunch line for a taco vendor. And even this is just a coincidence. Everybody loves tacos.

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How did Swiper steal Dora's stuff? He shot her and then took her backpack.

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Roses are red Violets are blue So is your face Cuz I just gagged you

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Why did Janie miss school today? Because she fell in a well.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered sex offender.

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A man walks into a bar. Later that night he comes home to an intervention and realizes he has a drinking has hurt him and his family.

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Why did it take so long for the baby's to paint my wall? I didn't throw them hard enough.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops