What's the worst part about being drunk? Your child.

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Johnny woke up christmas morning, went downstairs and opened his presents to find he had an iPhone, iPad,Ps3 Laptop, the full lot. Then his mate came around and Johnny bragged about all the stuff he had got. Then his mate replied," I wish i had cancer".

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What word is ten letters long and starts with gas? Gastronomy.

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So a guy walks into the doctors and say "Doctor it hurts when i poke my knee like this" the doctor says "Let me see your hand" the doctor squeezes the patients finger and the patient says "ow!" the doctor says "now poke you knee again" the patient pokes his knee and says "it still hurts" so the doctor comes to a conclusion and says " you dont have a broken kneecap you have a broken finger, stupid, now get out and leave me alone!"

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A man walks into a bar. What does he say? Ouch!

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Q: What do you call a white guy cooking a dinner? A: A chef

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Roses are grey, Violets are grey, I am a dog

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Why wasn't the turkey hungry on thanksgiving? Because it was dead!

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What did the alcoholic say to his priest? I'm Drunk. The priest says "Your drunk go home". He barely makes it.

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Rim Ram Ree, Kick him in the knee, Rim Ram Rass, Kick him in the other knee

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what did the girl who's father was murdered do at her wedding? not have a father daughter dance.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because seven, eight, nine.

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Wanna hear a joke? The WNBA

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What's harder nailing 10 babies to 1 tree... Or nailing 1 baby to 10 trees???

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What did the rapist say to the woman? "If you tell anyone I'll kill you!"

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whats softer than a furry blanket an indian

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What do you do with a pickle jar full of semen? Use it for gel, because it took so long to collect it all, and you're frugal person who believes in recycling.

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Why did the house stink? There were decomposing bodies under the floor boards.

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whats worse than hitler? Anti-Jokes By darragh hamilton

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2 out of 4 questions. How do you get an elephant in a fridge? Open it, take the girrafe out, put the elephant in, and close it.

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What do you call this? A sentence in English.

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Hey, I just met you And this is crazy I have alzheimer's Bacon

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What did the mother get at the grocery store? Food.

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you had me at "hello", no need to add "you're under arrest"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops