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What did the squirrel say to the other squirrel? Squirrels can't talk.

Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

Why can't Chuck Norris divide by zero Because it's impossible

What happened when the white man saw a black man running with a purse? He called the police. The police proceeded to chase the black man down tackling him into a dumpster, causing permanent spinal damage. Upon investigation into the situation, the black man was deaf and he was bringing the purse, which contained an epi-pen, to his dying wife a block away. The police officers involved were fired and sued by the family, ruining their lives. Months later they both committed suicide.

What did the dad do immediately do after his child died? Cleaned off the knife.

There are two muffins in an oven. One says nothing. Muffins can't talk.

Give me thumbs up!

Whats white, black, and red all over? A penguin on fire

Knock Knock trick or treats? here is the candies, have fun kids!

Why is there a dead pakistani on my couch? Because someone put him there.

Now this is a story all about how, my life got flipped, turned upside down. Now I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, and I'll tell you how I lost my job at the tire plant, and how, being out of work and unable to find a new job, I was unable to pay my mortgage. The bank repossessed my house, my wife left me and took custody of the kids, and I ended up having to sell all my remaining possessions and move to a new city in order to try and find employment.

Strawberries!

Knock, Knock. Who's there? It's the police, they ask the questions.

whats green and walks? A cabbage, cabbages dont walk

A woman buys a man a Valentine's Day present.

How do u get a baby to stop choking? Take ur c*ck out if its mouth!!!

Whats worse than a dead baby in a puddle of blood? A dead baby in soup.

Hey, I just met you... No, I'm your brother. You've known me for 30 years. You must have memory loss.

What's the difference between me and convicted pedophile? -The pedophile's been caught ;)

What's red and hurts your teeth? A brick.

YEAH WELL SMELL YOUR BREATH U BELLEND

What did the duck say to the flag? NOTHING DUCKS CANT SPEAK or flags

What's the difference between a giraffe and an erection? An erection is much easier to obtain.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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