Whats the quickest way to a woman's heart? A bilateral incision on the upper left region of the sternum.

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Why was the boy embarassed at school? He got a noticable boner during class.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have 5 fingers The middle one is for you

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What did the overweight blind kid get for Christmas? His parents died in a tragic car crash and he was left alone, fat and blind to fend for himself

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What do you call a person with an arrow in their head? Dead

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? 2 in the front, 2 in the back. And 6 million in the ashtray

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what's black and blue and red all over? nothing, you're and idiot.

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A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

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What's neon green and has 69 legs? Nothing that I know of, but it would be an interesting creature

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A jewish lady is cleaning a house to make some extra money. Its great that she can still find work in this economy.

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Why did the man try to lick his elbow? Because he read a chain email saying no one could lick their elbow and he wanted to see if it was true. You will probably try to do it now too.

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what if i told you that leonardo decaprio didnt need an oscar but an oscar needed a leonardo decaprio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(_)_)=============D

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says why the long face. The horse, unable to understand English shits on the floor and leaves

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Coffee just isn't his cup of tea.

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Shit Happens....or sometimes it doesn't! As the person is taken to the hospital with severe constipation.

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Kid: mom what happens when grandpa farts? Mom: well son... Everyone leaves the room

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A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

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'l give you a nickle to tickle my pickle i'l give you a dime to take you time

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When life throws you lemons what should you do? Take cover.

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When life gives you oranges, hit kidswith 'em.

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Whats sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going off a cliff? A Caddy fits five.

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What has legs but can't walk? A paralyzed man.

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Q: How much does it cost to have 50cent and Nickleback perform together? A: 45 cents, because its 50 cents, and you get a nickle back

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how do you kill a little girl? seeing as murder is a federal offence i will not tell you how. you should be ashamed for asking.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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