whats worse than being cold? having a pine cone shoved up your ass.

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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you should be a con artist.

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? Make some fucking lemonade.

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Why didn't the poor man buy a candy bar? He wasn't hungry.

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Why did the wife leave her husband? Because they were having sexual differences and time restraints. The husband worked nightshifts as a nurse while the woman stayed home and took care of their child. The husband confessed he never wanted a child in the first place, and that having sexual intercourse with her didn't truly satisfy him.

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So a horse walks into a bar, animal service is called and after being unable to locate the owner he is put down.

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If a tree falls, and nobody is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? No. While the falling tree surely creates mechanical oscillations in the air, sound is defined as the mechanical oscillations in the air perceived by humans. Therefore, since no humans were around to hear the tree fall, it did not create a sound.

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What should you do if you come across a slut with a fork up her @ss and a gun in her hand? Do not look at her and walk away.

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Like this joke, bitch.

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There's a plane with 5000 bricks in it, one falls out. How many bricks are on the plane now? 4999 How do you get an elephant in the fridge? U open the fridge,put the elephant in and close the fridge. How do you get a deer in the fridge? Open the fridge, take the elephant out and close the fridge. A lion is trowing a party and the whole animal kingdom shows up, what animal isn't there? The deer cause he's still in the fridge. A little old lady is walking threw an alligator and snake invested swamp. *The snakes and alligators eat her (wrong answer) The brick falls on her head

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Aladdin found a rusty old lamp at the foot of a mountain. He rubbed it and the Ginnie had died after the long drop from the cliff

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Why did the plane crash? The pilots had brain damage.

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why did the pinapple walk the plank? to eat a cat because cheese say people!

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KKK

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Why was it true for sure? It was on wikipedia.

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What did Delaware? A coat.

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What did the crippled Nazi say to the Jew? Get in the train.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it got out of it coop and there was something shinny on the other side of the street.

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How do you like your eggs in the morning? -Poached or Fertilised?

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Why did George ride his bike to the park? Due to the down economy his parents were forced to sell his bike in order to pay their bills.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet, Who gives a shit

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why did matt die? He had cancer

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so little jonny was doing bad in school like always so he decided to drop out and now he cant get a job and will have a terrible life and die alone

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Whats green all over and travels at 100mph A christmas tree in a gokart

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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