a man walks into a bar... it was a crow-bar

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What did the Lumberjack say before cutting down the tree? Nothing, it's his job.

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What did pinocchio want to become? Hepatitus free.

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Why is cheese yellow? Answer: I don't know, I was hoping that you would know.

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An English man walks into a pub.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender does not ask about its facial characteristics, because he is wondering why there is a horse standing in his bar.

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yo mamas so ugly she makes blind children cry

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Knock Knock Who's there? DC Soames. I'm arresting you for the suspected abduction and rape of Holly Harman.

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Do you want to hear a good knock knock joke? Okay, you start.

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Why did the fat prick post on the internet? Because he was MorningAfterBoy

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What's 4+7 47

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Why didn't God show up to Jesus' bar mitzvah? Because he doesn't exist.

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Q: what do you call a bunch of dead accountants? A: the holacost.

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Your mama is so fat she has a high BMI and is at a high-risk of Type II Diabetes.

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An man walked into a bar. Unbeknownst to him, the bar happened to be a having a Rave party. The man, having epilepsy, proceeded to have a seizure. Luckily, a paramedic was there and saved his life.

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Pff, "Axel", you are a fucking amateur, I can convey your fucking message in two lines, and one and a half of those lines would be fucking swearing and insults. I am done with the fucking underground society, it used to be a great place for people to discuss real world matters rather than be blinded by the fucking lies of the media, and yes religion, if you ever worked for me, you know that the fucking bible is a textbook example of every goddamn brain washing technique there is. But if you where ever my allumni, id expect you to use those methods sparringly and only when neccesary. No wonder people consider you a fucking cultist, you use your fucking methods as smoke and mirrors rather than letting "your people" know, and teach them that you just use a bunch of verbal tricks. Mental-ism is not magic, and neither should it be implied to be part of the surreal, while I respect your ideology, you have misused it to acquire power and wealth from those you claim to protect, and while you do convey some good ideals, you are far too arrogant and ignorant for the role you have given yourself. Besides, even if you could protect "your people" as you claim you can, who the fuck is supposed to protect the rest from them?! That is some hard core methods you are abusing "Axel", and you know it, if you claim to be anti religion, then stop using the very same methods they do without teaching people how the methods work first! Moral: Never underestimate me, I enjoy behaving like a jackass, but it does not mean that I am one, as for you, you are a jackass which likes behaving like someone worthy of respect. I am still at the fucking hospital, so if you want some guidelines, speak here, and if you cant send me your contact information so we can chat on a proper phone, I will only have to assume that you are either a coward for not revealing your location to an obviously superior man ...Or... ...that... ...you... Are a fucking coward little bitch that simply keeps on hiding behind the people he claims to protect and shield! Start by admitting that I am far beyond your puny knowledge, and I might throw in a few lines of assistance. Moral 2: You are fucking using horse head network as we speak! I use it for bullshit and "iron manning", you shame the remains of the underground society for using it as means of "encoded messages" and at all!

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Why wasn't the boy at his basketball game? - Because he, his twin brother, and pregnant mother all died in a fatal car accident involving a train on the way their.

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So there are two kids in bumper cars at the local fair. A nuke was set off underground and most of the metropolitan was annihilated.

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"Did you eat your veggies?" asked the shark, sarcastically.

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Whats funnier than a Dead Baby in a bathtub? Nothing Thats as good as it gets!

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What is worse than 20 black men stealing your TV? Having your family die in tragic car accident.

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how come so many people die every year due to starvation? They don't have enough food and there aren't nearly enough spider monkeys in North America.

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what do you call a deer with no eyes? a deer...

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What do a plane and a flight attendant have in common? They're both going somewhere in their careers. Aside from the flight attendant.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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