Why did the jew die Really...

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Two cannibals were eating a man, one at the top and one at the bottom. The cannibal at the top said, "are you having fun down there?" The cannibal at the bottom said, "yeah, I'm having a ball!"

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Roses are red That much is true But violets are purple Not freaking blue

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito is a common insect in the family Culicidae. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapien, a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans

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Whats green and looks like eggs? Green eggs.

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? Stolen

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What's worse that finding a worm in your apple? Half the holocaust

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What did the man say to the really attractive woman? We are different genders

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What do you call a clock with no hands? Broken.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because a stranger shoved explosives up his butthole.

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What's the difference between Cindy Crawford and a Snickers bar? Nothing. One is a mediocre actress, the other is a peanut based bar of chocolate confectionary.

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A man walks into a bar. While he sits on a barstool, a man greets him politely, and they proceed with light conversation.

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What is red and bad for your teeth? A brick

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What's worse than being the last man on earth with thousands of women to please? Realizing that you are gay and there are no men left.

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What did the apple say to the orange? The apple did not say anything at all because fruits do not possess the ability of speech.

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Do you have to make frequent trips to the bathroom? Do you have a weak or broken stream? Do you leave the bathroom feeling satisfied? Do your frequent trips to the bathroom interrupt everyday activities? Well you should take Lunesta and just sleep. Then you wouldn't have this problem.

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Where did the watch-dog take the blind man on Saturday afternoon? Wherever the blind man wanted to go

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What is the cow doing? Because 7,8,9

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What is black and white and red all over? Two Nuns in a chainsaw fight.

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1. In 2010, 8.8 million people fell ill with Tuberculosis. 2. Up to 70,000 children died in 2010 due to Tuberculosis. 3. Tuberculosis is the leading killer of people living with HIV with 1.4 million deaths. 4. Death from Tuberculosis has dropped 40% since 1990. 5. No country has ever eliminated Tuberculosis entirely. 6. About 46 million Tuberculosis patients have been successfully treated since 1995. 7. Children under 5 years old rarely get the disease. 8. Edgar Allen Poe’s mother, foster mother, and wife all died of Tuberculosis. 9. It can take up to 12 months to recover from Tuberculosis. 10. People with tuberculosis have symptoms such as cough that “won’t go away”, a cough that brings up blood, a fever lasting longer than 2 weeks, night sweats, fatigue, or noticeable amounts of acute weight loss. 11. Nearly 2 million people die from tuberculosis yearly. 12. Tuberculosis kills 5,000 people daily.

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Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas

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Wal-mart didn't have the product I wanted. So I yelled at the manager until they had it. It didn't work and i was taken to jail.

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Why is limety snicket a kike pussy? cuz will ferrell shit in his asshole

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What did the black kid get for his birthday? Yo bike!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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