How do you make a baby float? Take your foot of its head.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A 21 year old man walks into a bar with a vase of 12 roses. 57 years later he died after a lengthy battle with colon cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Hey, you pee here? Yes, it's called a urinal

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call a black man at the head of the U.S.? A mistake.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

This guy goes to the ball game. He waits in line at the concession stand and gets a footlong hot dog and a giant orange soda. Then he makes his way around to his section of the stadium, and works his way to his seat, which is in the center of the row. Right when he's about to take a bite of his hot dog, when he hears someone in the seats way up behind him yell "Hey! Mike!" He sets down his hot dog, and sets down his giant orange drink, stands up and turns around, scanning the crowd. Eventually he sits back down. He picks up his hot dog, picks up his giant orange drink, and is just about to take a bike when he hears it again, someone way up behind him yelling "Hey! Mike!". So, he sets down his hot dog, sets down his giant orange drink, stands up, turns around, and scans the hundreds of faces in the seats behind him. After a while, he sits back down. Then, right when he's about to bite into his hot dog, he hears someone behind him yelling "Mike! Hey, Mike!" He sets down his hot dog, sets down his giant orange drink, stands up, turns around, cups his hands around his mouth and yells as loud as he can, "My name's not Mike!"

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A dolphin walks into a bar. Dolphins do not have legs therefore this is physically impossible.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

why was the water bottle empty? because bob drank it. stupid bob...

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Whats the best part about 23 year olds? Theres 20 of them

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did the litle boy's hat come off? cause he got hit by a train!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I'd feel bad for some skinny guy who lived in a very obese family and only got hand me downs.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A daring man once said "Here goes nothing!" Anddd nothing happened.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

why did Sally fall of the swing....she had no arms. knock knock who's there? NOT Sally.....

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? I'm a talking banana; what more do you want from me?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an absolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I'm a raging homosexual.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

You.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you do when a taco eater eats your food? Beat him with the nearest black man's dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

whats the difference between jimmy saville and a horse? jimmy has a bigger cock

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A hemophiliac walks into a bar. Then he dies of internal bleeding.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What happened to the man who just took a shit? He got a stunning pain in his anus because the earlier Hemorrhoid issues had now turned in to a open wound around his Anoderm.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How are friends like bananas? If you peel off their skin and eat them, they die.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Guy 1: I had a Energy Drink the other day, I crashed. Guy 2: Really? That must of sucked. Guy 1: Yeah, the family in the other car died.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Roses are red violets are blue i got two fingers just for you/by kw

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Are you from Nebraska? 'Cuz you're the only ten i see.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops