Two nuns walk into a bar. There is a monkey between them, that they are both holding hands with. The bartender looks to them, and says "Hello sisters, I am sorry, but we do not allow wild animals into the bar. He's gonna have to wait outside," to which one of the nuns responds, "Oh, do not worry, this is no monkey, this is one of our sisters." The bartender is very confused. He chuckles, and says "Alright, well then your sister is going to have to wait outside." The sisters look at each other confusedly, but take the monkey outside, put it on a leash, and tie it to a pole. They proceed back inside, have a few drinks, and leave. The next night, the bar is a little more crowded. The bartender looks up and sees the two nuns entering. He checks to make sure there is no monkey with them, and there is not, so he goes back to serving drinks. A few minutes later, the two nuns are at the front of the bar ready to order drinks. The bartender smiles at them, "No monkey this time?" he asks. "Not tonight," says one of the nuns. "Alright," says the bartender, "what can I get you?" "I'll take a double bourbon," says one of the nuns. "I'll have a gin and tonic, and she'll have the same" says the other nun, motioning to a rhinoceros on her left. "What the fuck!!" yells the bartender. "How did you get this inside?! Where did you even get a rhinoceros?" He realizes these questions are unimportant, and runs to call animal control. By the time he turns around, however, the rhinoceros is gone. He goes to talk to the bouncer. "Dude, why do you keep letting in wild animals?" asks the bartender. "The hell are you talking about?" asks the bouncer. "Last night, two nuns walked in with a monkey, and tonight they somehow got a rhino past you. You didn't see that??" the bartender snaps. "Three nuns came in last night, and three came in tonight. No monkey, no rhino," the bouncer tells him. Meanwhile, as they walked home to the convent, one of the nuns says "Man, I haven't been drunk in weeks." One of the other nuns turns to her and says, "Well, maybe you should stop turning into an animal every time we get into a bar."

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: Why did the bird fall out of the tree? A: It was dead Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: It was stapled to the bird

thumb_up thumb_down +23

im black

thumb_up thumb_down +23

your mumma so fat she ate a horse and she still had room for dinner

thumb_up thumb_down +23

If i could rearrange the alphabet, i'd put my penis in your mouth

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Mac: Hi, I'm a Mac! PC: And I'm a PC. Steve Jobs died.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Do you know how I know you're gay? 'Cuz your penis tastes like shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What happened to the guy who got bullied? He commited suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did Little Jojo get for Hanukah? Nothing he is Muslim.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do an elephant and grapes have in common? They both have a trunk...except for the grapes

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He threw it, because he had parkinson's!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Blonde: I'm sad. Brunette: Why? Blonde: I walked into a bar just to see my boyfriend having a drink with another woman, Brunette: I'm so sorry,

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: What's the biggest difference between a black man and a white man? A: Their skin color.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

So I was eating pancakes in my driveway...or were they waffles?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did God say to Noah? "Hi."

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks: "why that long face?" The horse, being a horse, thus not being able to comprehend the complexities of a conversation, says nothing and then shits on the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

"What would you do if i gave you a million dollars?" "I would scream and jump up and down? Are you really gonna give me a million dollars?" "No i just wanted to see what you would have said, that's all"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the milkman die? Because everyone dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Roses are dead Violets are dead Im a bad gardener

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Knock knock. Who's there. Alex. Alex who? Your brother Alex. Oh, please come in.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Roses are red, Violets are blue, This poem's cool. I ran over your dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

where are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Two Jews walk into a bar. They promptly order their drinks and then leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a box with a dead Jew in? A coffin.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops