why did the cow die because she ate poisoned apple pie

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This guy goes to the ball game. He waits in line at the concession stand and gets a footlong hot dog and a giant orange soda. Then he makes his way around to his section of the stadium, and works his way to his seat, which is in the center of the row. Right when he's about to take a bite of his hot dog, when he hears someone in the seats way up behind him yell "Hey! Mike!" He sets down his hot dog, and sets down his giant orange drink, stands up and turns around, scanning the crowd. Eventually he sits back down. He picks up his hot dog, picks up his giant orange drink, and is just about to take a bike when he hears it again, someone way up behind him yelling "Hey! Mike!". So, he sets down his hot dog, sets down his giant orange drink, stands up, turns around, and scans the hundreds of faces in the seats behind him. After a while, he sits back down. Then, right when he's about to bite into his hot dog, he hears someone behind him yelling "Mike! Hey, Mike!" He sets down his hot dog, sets down his giant orange drink, stands up, turns around, cups his hands around his mouth and yells as loud as he can, "My name's not Mike!"

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman...

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a boy says hi.The girl says bye. The boy starts to cry.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, your Heart maybe splited into two but, if you love me i would fix it for you

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How are friends like bananas? If you peel off their skin and eat them, they die.

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A black man walks into a bar and a white man says "we don't allow coloured men in here". the black man sighs and walks out, wondering what he ever did wrong, and makes his way to the liqour store, to buy some beer to drown his sorrows over his mothers death. On the way, a racist white man shoots and kills him. Then, at his funeral, someone makes the joke "Wow, how ironic. The black guy was the victim.."

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Why do blondes where pigtails? Because they look nice.

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What is scary? Obama might get reelected.

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larry clark i smoke pot and im gay its phillup

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Do you know the difference between a Mexican and a bench? One is a human, and one is an inanimate object.

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How do you make a Plumber cry? Kill his family.

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What happens when you are a fat 37 year old virgin, with a small penis, poor bone structure, pale skin, a horrible personality, and no friends? You spend all night writing anti-jokes...will someone please like me?

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What's big, blue, and eats rocks? A big blue rock eater.

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Trolololollolololololololololololololol

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What do you call a boy with no arms or legs? Chris

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What looks like a dick? A penis

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What did Chuck Norris say to the man that asked for his autograph? He happily obliged and continued on with his day.

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Why was Michael Jackson seen shopping at Kmart? Because he heard little boys pants were 50% off the original price.

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My tractor broke down.

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Knock Knock Who's there I have Alzheimer's I have Alzheimer's who? Knock Knock

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whats the difference between an orange and a bicycle? One has handlebars..the other one doesnt.

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What do you call a sober man driving a car? a designated driver

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What do you give a small child when you don't have any candy? Nothing, you just kidnap them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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