What do Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen have in common? They are both celebrities.

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Whats worse than swinging a dead baby by a rope? Stopping it with a shovel.

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Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Seeing your mom dance

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Customer: "I can't turn my computer on." Phone support: "Do you have power?" Customer: "Yes." Phone support: "Do you have fingers?" Customer: "No."

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What did I eat for my breakfast? My breakfast.

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Why did Old Man Robert fall down the stairs? Someone kicked him down. And then he died.

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there were two cyclists cycling at a steady pace down a main road in china, one irish and the other chinese. now they happened to be cycling at exactly the same time and exactly the same pace. so why did the irish cyclist get pulled over and the chinese not? because the irish cyclist had in fact brutally raped and murdered a young child in his home town and then fled the country to china.

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Is your friend gay? Yeah, duh, of course he's happy.

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Did the Chicken cross the road? No the road moved the chicken across.

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You wanna hear a funny joke? Sorry, but I'm really not a funny guy. Not a comedian, you know.

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Why didn't the cheese buy a house plant? Cheese is nonliving and therefore cannot earn money, thus preventing cheese from buying houseplants.

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Ask me if I'm a human! - Are you a human? No. The correct term would be a human being.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. why did the refridgerator fall out of the tree? Because it wanted to be a monkey? Why did the John fall out of the tree? Because he has no arms and legs because he suffers from a severe case of lepracy. Why did Timmy fall off his bike? Because he got hit by three monkeys, a fridge and a boy with no limbs.

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Why do people like the number 69? Because some people have favorite numbers, and 69 is a number.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding an apple in your worm.

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Whats worse than finding half of a worm in your apple? Noticing the apple is oversized and finding half of a dead baby.

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Why did the child cry? It was beat up and thrown in a trashcan.

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what happens when a girl poops? she wipes her butt.

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What's black and blue and hates sex? The 8 year old in my trunk

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Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup? It isn't doing anything, sir. It's dead.

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If a woman was born in China, raised in France and got married and died in New Orleans, what is she? Dead.

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A white guy, a black guy, and a Spanish guy jump off of a building. Due to acceleration of gravity, they hit the ground at a fast speed and die.

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A gay man walks into a biker bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you want ice with that?"

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Pickup line: Boy: Hey, do you have a library card? Girl: Yes

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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